Enterprise Quotes

[Five - seveN]

I know I didn't really think of it myself (Voyager & General Trek Discussion), but... What's your favorite (funniest) Enterprise quote?

[sabertooth1217]

Quotes from Star Trek - Enterprise:

Captain Archer: Take your Vulcan cynicism and bury it with your repressed emotions.

Captain Archer: Am I sensing concern? Last I checked, that was considered an emotion.

about phase pistols
Lt. Reed: They have two settings: stun and kill... It'd be best not to confuse them.

after being cursed at by a Klingon and not understanding him

after using a "phase pistol" for the first time

Captain Archer: What's the matter? No genetic tricks to keep you from getting knocked on your butt?

Eating a piece of cheese while talking to his dog, Porthos
Captain Archer: You know that you and cheddar don't get along.

about the transporter
Lt. Reed: I don't think I'm quite ready to have my molecules compressed into a data stream.

Captain Archer: I hope nobody's in a hurry to get back home... Starfleet seems to think we're ready to begin our mission.

to T'Pol
Captain Archer: You have no idea how much I'm restraining myself from knocking you on your ass.

Zefram Cochrane: On this site, a powerful engine will be built... an engine that will someday let us travel a hundred times faster than we can today. Imagine it. Thousands of inhabited planets at our fingertips. And we'll be able to explore those strange new worlds... and seek out new life and new civilizations. This engine will let us go boldly... where no man has gone before.

Porthos has run from the shuttlepod to some trees on an alien world
Commander Tucker: Going where no dog has gone before.

observing an unconscious Klingon pilot
Admiral Leonard: He's a Kling-ot.
Tos: A Kling-on.
Captain Archer: Where'd he come from?
Commander Williams: Oklahoma.

on Archer's forthcoming first mission with the Enterprise
Admiral Maxwell Forrest: Don't screw this up.

Commander Tucker: I've heard the women on Draylax have...
Travis Mayweather: Three... it's true.
Commander Tucker: You know that first-hand?
Travis Mayweather: First-hand, second-hand, third-hand...

Commander Tucker: Grandma taught me never to judge a species by their eating habits.

Sarin: The Cabal doesn't make decisions on its own. They're simply soldiers... fighting a Temporal Cold War.
Captain Archer: Temporal? You've lost me.

observing a holographic simulation of Kronos, the Klingon capital city
Klingon Captain Volok: Hey. I can see my house from here.

Dr. Phlox: Medically speaking, there's no accounting for taste.

after boarding a damaged Klingon ship and finding several Klingons unconscious on the bridge
Ensign Hoshi Sato: Shouldn't we try to help them?
Subcommander T'Pol: They don't want our help.
Ensign Hoshi Sato: How do you know?
Subcommander T'Pol: They're Klingons.

Commander Tucker: It can laugh all it wants, the galaxy's not getting any of our bourbon.

Mayweather has broken his leg on an alien planet and returned to the ship
Subcommander T'Pol: Why didn't you let them finish treating you on the surface?
Travis Mayweather: Have you ever been to an alien hospital?
Subcommander T'Pol: Yes, in San Francisco.

Upon waking up bound in a basement on Risa
Commander Tucker: You think this is my fault?
Lt. Reed: You were willing to follow two strange aliens into a basement.
Commander Tucker: Gorgeous aliens. Don't forget they were gorgeous.
Lt. Reed: They were male.
Commander Tucker: Not at first.

to an alien computer
Commander Tucker: On my world we have a saying "the customer's always right." Maybe you should make that part of your programming.

Captain Archer: You're from 900 years in the future, and you need MY help?

Dr. Phlox: It's unethical to harm a patient. However, I can inflict as much pain as I like.

Commander Tucker: Malcolm's got this rule; you have to be taller than a gun to use it.

T'Pol answers one of the Captain's suggestions
Subcommander T'Pol: Captain, this may surprise you, but I agree.

Tucker informs the Vulcans that Captain Archer and T'Pol have been kidnapped
Vulcan Captain: How do you know this?
Commander Tucker: I don't know, maybe it was the ransom demand we just received.

Captain Archer: You missed T'Pol's latest battle with chopsticks.
Commander Tucker: Darn. Dinner and a show.

Subcommander T'Pol: The Earth cargo ship Fortunate. Y-class freighter. Maximum speed: warp one point eight. Crew complement: twenty-three.
Travis Mayweather: Not counting newborn babies.
Captain Archer: Ensign?
Travis Mayweather: I grew up on a J-class, a little smaller but the same basic design. And one thing I can tell you is that at warp one point eight, you've got a lot of time on your hands between ports. That's how my parents wound up with me.
Subcommander T'Pol: Do you have any helpful information on this vessel beyond its recreational activities?

Malcolm has just awoken from a fantasy about T'Pol
Lt. Reed: What's that?
Commander Tucker: I got the receiver working but the transmitter's a lost cause. Who's Stinky?
Lt. Reed: I beg your pardon?
Commander Tucker: You were talking in your sleep. Kept calling for some guy named Stinky.

Commander Tucker: I don't want to be responsible for giving the crew... the runs.

Kaitaama: Is your entire species so ill mannered?
Commander Tucker: Nope. Just me.

Malcolm mentions he is going to reread Ulysses
Commander Tucker: I'd rather realign every microcircuit on this shuttle than try to read through that baby.
Lt. Reed: British schools have a core curriculum. It serves to provide a well-rounded education. Sometimes I think you North Americans read nothing but comic books and those ridiculous science fiction novels.
Commander Tucker: I'll have you know that Superman was laced with metaphor. Subtext layered on subtext.

Captain Archer: I believe someone once defined a compromise as a solution that neither side is happy with.
Shran: In that case, these talks have been extremely successful.

Ensign Hoshi Sato: You're the captain. Can't you order the storm to calm down?

Vulcan Ambassador Soval: Captain Archer, your presence on this mission has not been... unduly burdensome.
Soval leaves
Shran: I think he likes you, pink-skin.

While in the escape pod, Trip tastes the food Kaitaama discovered in a storage locker
Kaitaama: Is it edible?
Commander Tucker: Depends how hungry you are.

in "Carpenter Street", the time travel episode
Loomis: Oh boy.

Silik is trying to operate his time-travel device, when Archer suddenly appears and attacks him
Captain Archer: I said, you're an ugly BASTARD.

Ensign Hoshi Sato: I'm a translator. I didn't come out here to see corpses hanging on hooks.
Dr. Phlox: It goes without saying that you're going to encounter the unexpected.
Ensign Hoshi Sato: Not corpses on hooks.

Captain Archer: When I used to dream about this mission, the last thing I envisioned was having a Vulcan onboard who continuously sucked the air out of the room.

Dr. Phlox: If I'm not mistaken, they are preparing to mate. Do you think they might let me watch?

Commander Tucker: I don't like pushing the engines at 110%
Subcommander T'Pol: They are rated for 120
Commander Tucker: My underwear's flame-retardant, but it doesn't mean I want to set fire to myself to prove it.

Captain Archer: I've always been much better at avoiding farewells than giving them, so I'm not even gonna try. But I'm going to ask all of you to think back to the day when this ship was first launched. We were explorers then. When all this is over, when Earth is safe, I want you to get back to that job. There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy. We've only explored a tiny fraction of them. We have a lot to do. Of all the captains that'll sit in this chair, I can't imagine any of them being more proud than I am right now.

a visibly distressed T'Pol is trying to convince Archer not to go on a suicide mission
Subcommander T'Pol: I don't want you to die!
Pause; Archer turns to look at her
Subcommander T'Pol: It's not necessary.

Xindi council members are debating whether or not to attack Earth
Xindi-Humanoid: Let's not forget who the real enemy is.
Degra: We may not KNOW who the real enemy is.

Captain Archer: Enterprise was designed to be a ship of exploration.
Degra: If we're successful, it will be again.

Dr. Phlox: That's it, time's up!
Commander Tucker: It sure is.

Commander Dolum: Patience is for the dead.

Archer has apparently died in the destruction of the superweapon

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00005JLFS/104-3787254-0871921?v=glance&vi=quotes-trivia

[Five - seveN]

Teehee!