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Creeper the sneaker
The Creeper
Joined: 23 Apr 2003
Posts: 1152
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 Tue Aug 24, 2004 5:34 pm Lock this please |
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Can you please look this because people are asking to keep changing thes etc I'm not saying any names.
Last edited by Creeper the sneaker on Tue Sep 07, 2004 9:53 am; edited 2 times in total
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Seven of Nine
Sammie's Mammy
Joined: 16 Jun 2001
Posts: 7871
Location: North East England
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| Wed Aug 25, 2004 4:41 am |
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Erm, I can't understand it. Is it in English? You may want to have someone beta read it for you.
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lionhead
Rear Admiral
Joined: 26 May 2004
Posts: 4020
Location: The Delta Quadrant (or not...)
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| Wed Aug 25, 2004 5:00 am |
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it sure needs a lot of work. The idea isn't very interesting... (a robot bigger than the empire state building going too the past?). Plus the age.... no i don't think so.
-------signature-------
Never explain comedy or satire or the ironic comment. Those who get it, get it. Those who don't, never will. -Michael Moore
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Creeper the sneaker
The Creeper
Joined: 23 Apr 2003
Posts: 1152
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| Wed Aug 25, 2004 2:54 pm |
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Um well its my sisters character plus it's not exiting yet Cyberdyne is not just that she's a Dog type Terminator?
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Creeper the sneaker
The Creeper
Joined: 23 Apr 2003
Posts: 1152
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| Wed Aug 25, 2004 3:10 pm |
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YEAR 400
Cyberdyne looked all over the place scanning. Skynet is going to far with this killing all humans thing? she thought.
I know that John Conner is the enamy but what else........
Cyberdyne looked at the ground. She then looked around again. I hate this!? I'm I the only Terminator that wants peace with the humans?
Cyberdyne made a portal and went throw it.
YEAR 2004: AFTER BOMB FELL
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Creeper the sneaker
The Creeper
Joined: 23 Apr 2003
Posts: 1152
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| Wed Aug 25, 2004 6:14 pm |
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John sat in his chair thinking of all the people thats going to get hurt.
He put his hands on his face. I really hate this!? Kathrine sat beside him. I wish that my father were here? She hugged him. Yeah but now all mankind has to go against a machine named Skynet Kat?
Kathrine frowned. She then got up and started to turn on computer's. John stood up and walked over to a plate form
Nerby a noked over building a portal opend and Cyberdyne walked out. Wow not much changed? She scanned the Arizion for surviver's.
Not far away another portal opened and a Liquid Metal Terminator stepped out. He looked around.
His mission was to Terminate John Connor. He thought to himself. This Time I won't Fale!!!!
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lionhead
Rear Admiral
Joined: 26 May 2004
Posts: 4020
Location: The Delta Quadrant (or not...)
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| Thu Aug 26, 2004 3:33 am |
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Its a whole lot better, but you could still use a lot of spelling and grammar checks. plus its better too post more of the story in one post, or do you make it up as you go?
But i'm still curious of how it is going to develop.
-------signature-------
Never explain comedy or satire or the ironic comment. Those who get it, get it. Those who don't, never will. -Michael Moore
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Creeper the sneaker
The Creeper
Joined: 23 Apr 2003
Posts: 1152
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| Thu Aug 26, 2004 2:51 pm |
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I'm working on it? 
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Creeper the sneaker
The Creeper
Joined: 23 Apr 2003
Posts: 1152
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| Sun Aug 29, 2004 7:01 am |
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| Creeper the sneaker wrote: | John sat in his chair thinking of all the people thats going to get hurt.
He put his hands on his face. I really hate this!? Kathrine sat beside him. I wish that my father were here? She hugged him. Yeah but now all mankind has to go against a machine named Skynet Kat?
Kathrine frowned. She then got up and started to turn on computer's. John stood up and walked over to a plate form
Nerby a noked over building a portal opend and Cyberdyne walked out. Wow not much changed? She scanned the Arizion for surviver's.
Not far away another portal opened and a Liquid Metal Terminator stepped out. He looked around.
His mission was to Terminate John Connor. He thought to himself. This Time I won't Fale!!!! |
Cyberdyne found some surviver's. She gathered them up. A little girl hid behind her father. Please don't hurt us machine lady? Cyberdyne grinned. She bent down. I won't hurt you little girl? The father spoke out.
What kinda machine are you? Cyberdyne looked at him. I'm a Terminatrix type...... And Dog? Cyberdyne stood up. Okay and what is your name?
The man looked at the other's. My name is John Brennick? Cyberdynes eye's went big. YOUR JOHN CONNERS 3RD OFFICER!!!
WHAT!!!!! said all of the other's. Cyberdyne then heard a man approch. She then started growling at him. T-1000!? How did you get re-created? The T-1000 smiled. Who els Cyberdyne your brother Skynet? Cyberdyne got on her hands ( How a dog stands really ) and showed her teeth at him. Cyberdyne looked at the humans. GO RUN!!!!>>>>>>>>>NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
They started to run.
More to come people...................................
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