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superwoman
Vice Admiral
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 5742
Location: Sweden
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 Sun Jul 18, 2004 2:32 pm |
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I'm planing to get some more quotes but my back kind of hurts right now so you just get this one beautiful quote for now 
| Quote: | Danger could be my middle name, but it�s John.
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Mustkillbret
Rear Admiral
Joined: 19 Mar 2004
Posts: 2945
Location: Here and There, Mostly There
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| Sun Jul 18, 2004 3:18 pm |
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| Quote: | | Never put a sock in a toaster. |
my fave
Last edited by Mustkillbret on Sun Jul 18, 2004 3:19 pm; edited 1 time in total
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долженствованиемёртвыйbret - mustkillbret
DONT PANIC!!!
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superwoman
Vice Admiral
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 5742
Location: Sweden
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| Sun Jul 18, 2004 4:04 pm |
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Have you watched any of his shows??? If you haven't then you just Have do that!!! He Is GOD! Haleluja!
My fav quotes are the one where he talkes about the grocery store! I don't think I've posted any quotes from that show thou. I will look up some, cuz that show is............ have no words....
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superwoman
Vice Admiral
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 5742
Location: Sweden
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| Sun Jul 18, 2004 6:32 pm |
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I've found more!!! YAY!
| Quote: | There was a dog food a while back called "Mr. Dog." It was a small can of dog food for small, yappy-type dogs.
...
So they changed the name, from "Mr. Dog" to "Cesar." Now that�s a bit of an image shift in my book of references. "Mr. Dog" � small dog, yes, you can see the sort of linky there. "Caesar" � Roman leader 2,000 years ago � small dog.
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Ceaser: In 2,000 years' time, I shall be remembered as a can of small dog food for small, yappy-type dogs� |
| Quote: | | No, these are horrible apples, Mrs. Smith. Go away, Mrs. Smith! Go away until your daughter has a baby. |
| Quote: | So *beep* pears� Pears are like a rock, so you think,
"I'll take them home and they'll ripen up," and you put them in a bowl, and they sit there going,
"No! No! Don�t ripen yet! Don�t ripen yet! Wait till he goes out of the room! Ripen now! Now! Now!" (mimes pears ripening fast) |
| Quote: | | you've got all these fruits, and you get a selection, you take it home, you arrange it in a bowl� and then you watch it rot! |
| Quote: | | 0.02 milligrams of sodium. Sodium explodes in water. Do I need 0.02 milligrams of that? |
| Quote: | Scanning Machines: But they've the beeping machines these days! There's a bar code on all the stuff...and they just show it to it. (mimes scanning items) "Beep!" Like the machine is going, "Yes, all right�" (beeping continues) "Yes, that's still fine." And it must get boring! (scanning and beeping continue) All day� and the excitement (beep) that never happens (beep) is when it goes� (mimes failed scanning and repeated attempts to make it work)
The machine is going, "No, I'm bored�"
"Oh, go on! Make the noise!"
"No, I don't want to�"
"I'll read it at you. Thick one, thin one, thick one, thin one� thick, thick, thin� are you getting this?
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| Quote: | | Hello, we're murderers. A Twix, please. |
| Quote: | About Sayings: and it�s just rubbish! I mean, like "He doesn't suffer fools gladly." Who does suffer fools gladly?! How often you can go,
"Hello! I�ve got a pig in me trousers!" (mimes having a pig in trousers)
"Come in! Come in, you fool!"
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| Quote: | Vous �tes un putain!
Je ne suis pas un putain. Je n'avais pas le sexe pour l'argent � qu'est-ce que vous d�tes, vous cassette? |
| Quote: | | Hello� Are you the people of Gaul? Wonderful! Well, we are the Romans. Yes, we are. And you must be Chief Vercing�torix, is that right? No, I recognize you from the "Asterix" books. Well, we're the Romans, I am a legionary; this is our leader, Mr. Dog. |
| Quote: | | Wouldn�t you rather die and be twang into a tree? |
| Quote: | | About Remote Controls: And after a while, the batteries start to go. "2. 2. 2! 2! 2!" And when this happens, you take the back off, you put your hand up against the batteries, and you roll them up and down� (mimes rolling hand against batteries) Yeah! That gives you an extra two days on batteries! |
| Quote: | | when James Bond got into the Aston Martin, with the ejector seat, the baddie sat in the *beep* ejector seat! He never sat in the back� |
| Quote: | Pavlov's Cat Results � Day One � rang bell� cat *beep* off.
Day Two � rang bell, cat went and answered door.
Day Three � rang bell, cat said he'd eaten earlier.
Day Four � went to ring bell on day four, but cat had stolen batteries.
Final day � Day Five � went to ring bell with new batteries, but cat put his paw on bell, so it only made a "thunk!" noise. Then cat rang his own bell! I ate food� |
| Quote: | | Beginning of time- the Big Bang, right? Everyone stood well back� |
| Quote: | Mother Nature handing out methods of procreation:
Now finally, salmon! Good� Got a bit of a surprise for you� |
That was fun! Only took about two hours... but it was worth it!
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superwoman
Vice Admiral
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 5742
Location: Sweden
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| Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:28 pm |
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OMG! I've tried to find one particular quote for hours! but i cant find it! I started to search through his shows but I could find that quote! I'm going mad overhere  ! I ended up watching ALL his shows...! And that made me less mad. I will find that quote thou! Thought of posting it in a chit chat topic...
Ahh I would be soooo funny! 
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We will never run out of oil, because no one will afford to use the last litre.
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Angeldust
The Mob Queen
Joined: 28 Jul 2004
Posts: 6498
Location: In your most wonderful, screwed up dreams. :P
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| Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:33 pm |
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Those are awesome! I have to agree with 'Bret up there about the best one, though...
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"You want to dance with the angels? Then embroider me with gold; and I will fly with the angels...and you can dance with me."
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superwoman
Vice Admiral
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 5742
Location: Sweden
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| Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:54 pm |
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My fav is... Naa I cant choose!!!
well ok I'll do it anyway
Aaa a classic
| Quote: | | "It's awesome" "Awesome? Like a hot dog?" "Like a milion hot dogs, sir" |
I have thought about this one, and that makes it even funnier!
| Quote: | | If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete! |
| Quote: | | "I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup" |
Another classic
| Quote: | | I wanna live 'til i die, no more, no less |
This one is purely great!
| Quote: | | �I want to be a beekeeper! I wanna keep bees! Don�t want them to get away, I wanna keep them! They have too much freedom� I want bees on elastic, so when they get pulled, they come back here! |
Also totally true!
| Quote: | | And if you have techno-joy, you get the instructions, you unwrap it, and throw the instructions out the window! |
Also totally true?
| Quote: | | A lot of people in Church of England have no muscles in their arms |
| Quote: | | Danger could be my middle name, but it�s John. |
Dont think I've ever laughed as hard as when I saw this one for the first time...
| Quote: | Mother Nature handing out methods of procreation:
Now finally, salmon! Good� Got a bit of a surprise for you� |
Aaahh I should write more quotes, shouldn't I. Even thou it's only I who reads them!
-------signature-------
We will never run out of oil, because no one will afford to use the last litre.
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Angeldust
The Mob Queen
Joined: 28 Jul 2004
Posts: 6498
Location: In your most wonderful, screwed up dreams. :P
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| Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:57 pm |
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The hot dog one! So beautiful!
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"You want to dance with the angels? Then embroider me with gold; and I will fly with the angels...and you can dance with me."
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superwoman
Vice Admiral
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 5742
Location: Sweden
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| Mon Aug 02, 2004 8:04 pm |
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Have you seen any of his shows? You should... everyone should, cuz he's like The God...
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We will never run out of oil, because no one will afford to use the last litre.
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Angeldust
The Mob Queen
Joined: 28 Jul 2004
Posts: 6498
Location: In your most wonderful, screwed up dreams. :P
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| Mon Aug 02, 2004 8:16 pm |
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I must make a point to watch The God...
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"You want to dance with the angels? Then embroider me with gold; and I will fly with the angels...and you can dance with me."
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superwoman
Vice Admiral
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 5742
Location: Sweden
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| Mon Oct 04, 2004 10:04 am |
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I just had to revive this thread!
So yeah... I saw the god, and I laughed And it was great!
I don't remember Everything he said, but right now I do remember a startrek joke. (yeah I know, he's into startrek... and he's funny! "I would so totally shag... ehm... her" as Eddie would have said but that's not what I'd say thou. )
ok, it went something like this...
"In star trek there are two sets on the phaser. 1 is set to kill, and the other is stunn. And kill is just *Eddie "dies" on stage* and stunn is just... *eddie walks past the stage and suddenly freezes*
And that's just boreing! I think there should have been more levels of stunn, like...
*eddie walks on the stage and suddely freezes... then he puts his hands before his mouth and go:*
omg! Is that...? No? it isn't! oh my god, that's so beautiful!
Ok you might have to be there to understand the greatness in that... 
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We will never run out of oil, because no one will afford to use the last litre.
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Angeldust
The Mob Queen
Joined: 28 Jul 2004
Posts: 6498
Location: In your most wonderful, screwed up dreams. :P
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| Mon Oct 04, 2004 10:55 am |
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That is GREAT!! I definitely understand the funny.
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"You want to dance with the angels? Then embroider me with gold; and I will fly with the angels...and you can dance with me."
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superwoman
Vice Admiral
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 5742
Location: Sweden
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| Mon Oct 04, 2004 11:41 am |
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I hope it will come out on dvd... cuz I wanna see it again!!!
Here is a (what's it called...) scen but only with sound... from "define artice" I belive. I have a whole bunch of those!
http://www.superwoman.janddhosting.com/Music/Eddie%20Izzard%20-%20(1997)%20G%20-%2023%20-%20I've%20Got%20A%20Bad%20Feeling.mp3
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We will never run out of oil, because no one will afford to use the last litre.
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