More Academy Days

[Sam Kenobi]

She held her hand out slightly, almost unnoticeably, but Triam grabbed it before the medic could say anything more. He seemed entirely enthralled in his tricorder, finally looking up to see the younger medic standing up.

�Carter, get me 40ccs of inaprovoline and a cardio-synaptic resuscitator. Get the hologram to tell you where they store the medical equipment here, I don�t think we�ll have enough time to get her safely to a hospital.�

Triam looked up at him suddenly. �What do you mean not enough time? Of course there�s time. We� we need to get her there right now.�

�Sir, calm down or I�ll have to sedate you.�

�Triam�� he heard her soft call again and looked down at her, squeezing her hand.

�Baby� shh. You shouldn�t be talking.� He found it easier to speak when he allowed the tears to come instead of fighting them.

�It doesn�t hurt anymore.�

�The doctor gave you some medicine, you�ll be fine,� he lied. She smiled weakly and replied with languid words.

�Triam, if you want, you can stay here while I finish school. So�� she brought a hand up to his face and he helped her hold it there. His tears were contagious with her touch and as she finished, her eyes watered up, �don�t be sad about not being together after graduation.� He bit his lip hard and nodded labouredly. He gently pulled her hand from his face, just as her grasp became exponentially severe.

The sounds from the tricorder felt like the dramatic music she would have wanted.

He never left her gaze, though it became harder and harder to keep it through his replenishing tears.

�I love you so much,� she said, her voice remaining calm as the world fell down around him. He could only nod once as he spoke through a sob.

�Don�t leave me!�

And it ended with a gentle pop. Then the tricorder registered a flat-line. Triam knew before the medic would tell him that her heart burst. But he wasn�t prepared for the blood.

It seeped serenely from her mouth, nose, ears, and eyes. He didn�t know what to do but to try and push it back in, try to fix what had been damaged. It cupped in his hands as he reached to hold what could not be held, this life that was escaping her. He felt the medics drag him away, but found it impossible to fight back, the shock leisurely overtaking his sobs. All he could hear was the steady drumbeat of his own heart, and he cursed it for still beating, before he blacked out.

(TBC)

[Josi Rockholt]

So sad, Next please and don't make too sad.

[Voy_Girl]

Great descriptions!

[ILoveHarry]

FINISH!!!!!!!! OK... so maybe I already know what happens next... but you know I love it!

[Sam Kenobi]

((just a short interlude between the next part))
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Sometime during the night, Triam rolled over and threw his arm across the bed- the place that Meg had occupied the night before. The absence of familiarity woke him, and he slowly opened his eyes upon the vacant spot next to him. For a fleeting moment, he believed she had gotten up to use the restroom and waited quietly for her to return.

The collar of his jacket chaffed at his neck and he tugged at it absentmindedly. It was a bit warm in the room. He moved to pull his jacket off, when for the first time, out of his sleep ridden stupor, he realized� that he was wearing his jacket to bed. And he didn�t remember why, or even how he had gotten to bed that night. He glanced down and saw a dark stain on his shirt. Blood? The last thing he remembered was� Meg.

A flash montage of images, recounting the earlier hours, suddenly spoked through his mind- and it was only by reflex, rather than realization, that he rolled back to his right to hang his head out over the floor. The bile left his mouth before he remembered completely why he was alone.

********************************************

((the next part coming is written in sort of a parallel with a story by ILoveHarry. this story can be found at http://www.startrekvoyager.com/viewtopic.php?t=15151 , tenth post down. if you want you could go read that one before I post the next piece)) ((thanks for all the feedback ))

[Sam Kenobi]

((this next part, like I said, is written in parallel with Caroline's. I have changed my version (Triam's version) to first person stream of consciousness POV, as I thought it would be better expressed that way. this steam of consciousness excerpt will be posted in three installments))

************************

I finally make my way out of my now trashed-out dorm room to the courtyard where a Cinderella Ball was held about a year ago. It doesn�t remind me of her that much. It looked a lot different in the moonlight. So did she though. We never hung out here much, preferred quieter, more private places. Of course, Meg was the social bee, but she went away with me because I guess she felt I needed it or something. Maybe that�s what I miss most about her, how she always knew.

There�s this big oak tree near the middle of the yard that I finally decide to sit by, lean my back against and stare out into the bay. That particular spot, at least, holds no real sentimental value. I�m exhausted. It�s been four days, but it seems like� hell, I don�t know� some time a lot longer than that. Investigations, funerals, memorials, counseling. I don�t know why all these precautions are needed. Postcautions. Whatever you all them. She died and we�re supposed to accept it. It�s supposed to be easier than this. The counselor says I�ve reached an interesting point to my acceptance. Somewhere between denial and anger. But anyway, I tell you, it would be a lot easier if she were just still here. If maybe I hadn�t been the one to push�

I�m still attacked by that heap of thoughts, that sort of wheel of pictures from that night. Which I�m told is perfectly expected, when after all it has only been four days. There�re a lot of cadets that keep coming up to me and telling me they�re sorry or that they know how I feel. And I could really care less that they know how I feel, because I know they don�t. I know none of them held the person they loved the most in their arms as that person died. I still can�t wash the blood off my shirt, even though I�ve tried quite a few times. I think I lost count. There�s not a lot else to do though, I�m just counting the days away from her death that are closer to mine.

In fact, I�m pretty sick of people coming up and talking to me. And I�m thinking mostly about this, interrupted with thoughts of Meg. Well, most of the time they�re of her. Sitting here under this tree. This damned tree that�s probably sat a lot of people who are really trying to decide what to do with the rest of their lives now. Now that everything you planned for won�t come true any more. How could I be in denial if I know that? And then a leaf falling somehow reminds me of the way she used to twirl her hair when she was frustrated. I hated that. The sun is setting now, the sky is becoming more red. More of a fuschia, I guess. Some color like that. One of the counselors said I must still be in shock.

[Starbuck]

So sad, so depressing, and sooooo good. Continue

[Sam Kenobi]

But now and then, well, in these past few days, anyway, I�m sure I heard her voice. I�m gonna look up and see her standing there, twirling her hair because she�s angry that I didn�t hear her the first time. But Sari just gives me a little hug and says I remind her of the old war movies in a quiet voice. But I know what I heard. With that typical �Hey� old way of just saying hi. And I�m so lost in my own thoughts that I don�t realize for a second that the hey was actually a real one. And I only think for a split second that it might be her, but I know it�s not her voice. I look over at the girl who said it with more of a glare on my face than I think I intended, but maybe not, and it�s too late to change it now. Maybe it just looks like the sun is in my eyes.

I don�t say anything, though, because I�m still not exactly sure if she said something or not and it�s only when she shifts kind of uncomfortably that I realize she must have, because then she just keeps talking.

�Look, I know we don�t know each other or anything, and, uh� I�m sure the last thing you want to hear is strangers telling you they�re sorry for your loss and crap like that��

I don�t think my scoff is that noticeable, but I roll my eyes and face forward again. I have to bite my tongue. Meg taught me too, my nasty retorts can get me in trouble. So it�s one of these kids, huh? This girl knows all about it. I guess she can�t tell whether or not I�m still listening, because she shifts uncomfortably again. I see it out of the corner of my eye. I make no move to let her know that I am, and she keeps talking.

�Well� The thing is, I believe that people who have suffered the loss of loved ones, should� I don�t know� support each other or something��

Yeah, ok, you caught my ear. That�s about it though.

�What I mean to say is, see that star, the one that�s kinda off by itself and a little brighter than the others?�

I follow her finger with my eyes. Not my head, just my eyes, there�s a noticeable difference.

�Whenever I find myself really wishing I could be with my folks, I imagine they�re there, on that star watching over me, and it always sorta comforts me.�

Great. She lost her parents. I should feel like sh*t for thinking less of her. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Damn, I used to think those words were so selfish. I *should* feel bad, but I don�t. Sorry, girl.

�You,� she keeps talking even though I wish she wouldn�t. �Uh, well, you can borrow it anytime. Maybe your girlfriend is there too, with my parents, ya know?�

Sure. Anything�s possible now.

The weird thing is, right when she says that, the sky turns a shade darker. You usually can�t notice the sunset like that, but this time I did. Because another leaf fell and sort of brought the shading along. Like a wipe scene change on one of the old movies Meg and Sari watched. In that second, I actually do feel a little bad. More for myself than for that girl. I see her blush when I turn to look at her, trying to think of something semi-nice to say, but at the same time telling her I don�t want a friend. I subconsciously bite my bottom lip. That�s what Meg hated.

�I�I know it�s kinda cheesy� I just thought maybe��

�No,� I interrupt her, surprised at hearing my own voice for quite possibly the first time that day. I don�t know what I�m saying, but it�s one of those things where it just comes out. �Maybe it is a little cheesy, but it�s nice too. Thanks, girl.�

God damnit, why did I call her that?

I flash a quick, weak smile, possibly to tell her I was sorry, maybe to tell myself I was an idiot, or probably just to get her to go away.

Some guy across the yard yells at her, I�m not exactly listening. And she turns to leave� but stops and turns around. Maybe she thinks we had a �moment� or something.

�Don�t eat any brownies for a while. Trust me.�

I shrug in a whatever way.

�Right.�

She turns again, and walks away. I watch her go as she yells back at the guys about not calling her sunshine. And another leaf falls, bringing another shade of twilight to its death.

[Starbuck]

now if only I had thought to write something like this for my literature final...................... I might have gotten an A+

[Sam Kenobi]

Her star sticks in my mind for some reason. Not her particularly. Just the star, this particular incident. And not for any reason, other than maybe the star is at a good angle where I don�t have to crane my neck to look at it. I begin to develop a theory that maybe nothing will particularly have a reason anymore.

When the subconscious takes over, as it does when one stares at a particular star for any period of time, it is my belief now that it is not a good thing for the mind. Pretending she�s up there. How am I supposed to do that? When all I can remember now is how dark her blood was. How her last grip felt in my hands. Her last words in my ears.

That wheel of thoughts and memories comes again, and I�m not sure that I�ll ever be able to escape it. The haunting images, that�s all they can be described as now, run through my mind like a broken film reel. Until they stop on one clear cell. Another leaf falls, and as the sky loses light, that girl�s star becomes brighter.

I realize I didn�t tell Meg I loved her the whole night. And grasp as I might to find the memory to relieve the vice this realization has placed on my eggshell heart, I can�t find it. It squeezes and breaks into a thousand pieces. The contents run like broken promises into the hallow places her love used to fill.


THE END

[Sam Kenobi]

Does anyone have a suggestion to what I should write next? I could either continue with this theme or just anything else Trek related. any sugggestions? requests?