How should I deal with regrets in life?

Superman · Fleet Admiral Joined: 06 Dec 2003 Posts: 10220

This is going to sound like a stupid topic but here goes.

Recently, I've been feeling a little bit down. If not for the distractions provided by work and this forum, I would have felt a lot worse.

In fact, I've felt like that on more than one occasion for years.

I have so many regrets about life...

I left school without any qualifications. I did a couple of good jobs and am employed now but I have so many regrets about how life turned out in some ways. In some ways, I am clinging onto the past.

I'm not a bad person at all but I've made silly decisions. Like, back in summer 1998, I quit a job due to differences with management. It had been my favourite job ever and I foolishly quit it. That particular ghost haunts me. I wish I was still in that job instead of the job I am in now. I wish I could change things.

And then I had a relationship with a lady in 1997 which had been going on since late 1996. We got on pretty good but our personalities, ambitions and needs were too different. So, we split up amicably and agreed it was probably best not to see each other, in case things turned sour. Right now, I am pining for that lady. I wish I could have her back.

There are so many other things. I've been stupid with money and blew a lot of it on gambling, junk I didn't need and bank loans for items that were not necessities.

I look now and feel a lot of regret. And it's making me feel worse with each passing day. I know it sounds silly but I do so wish I could find a way to change the past and have everything as it was. I wish I could reshape reality and make my life how it was.

And I really don't know how to deal with it. Even when I am undertaking leisure activities such as watching Trek or swimming, I feel these thoughts.

Two slightly worrying thoughts have crossed my mind. I've thought about taking up alcohol because I have heard that it blots out bad memories. And, to be honest, I have felt a little suicidal. Don't get me wrong, I haven't tried anything and am not in any danger of doing anything yet. But I sometimes wonder if it is worth going on. There only slight feelings, not fully suicidal feelings.

I don't know what to do. I did try and confide in a woman at work. She was nice and tried to be helpful. She said I should banish the ghosts of my past and work towards a positive future. But I have so many regrets. If only I had been wiser in the past, life may be different.

Anyone ever felt like this? I know it's a lot to ask for people to come on here and talk about such a subject but I need advice on how to deal with these problems. How can I either deal with them or blot out the past? As silly as it sounds, I've even been searching for medical sites that can give advice on blotting out the past.

If you can offer advice, I would be very grateful. I just don't know who I am at the moment or what I'll be doing in 12 months time.

Thank you in advance.

Puck · The Texan Joined: 05 Jan 2004 Posts: 5596

Well from the posts I have seen from you, you are obviously a very good person...and I am sorry about what you are going through. First, I would just like to beg of you not to think, or consider suicide, please, do not, for your sake, for my sake, and for other peoples sake, please get that out of your head. Next, I don't know how religious you are, but I would suggest reading the Bible, and going to church (I am gonna say a Catholic church bc/ I am Catholic, but any other one is fine to). If you don't beleive in God, thats perfectly fine, but try giving it a chance, maybe for several months or something. I find a great deal of comfort and strength in the Bible, so I just wanted to pass that on. Besides that, I guess you could just start off new, just wake up one-day, and just make yourself be how you would hope to be. Hope that helps some.

ILoveHarry · Admiral Joined: 14 Jan 2004 Posts: 7909 Location: Houston

YEP! I can relate. First off, let me say, I do not mean to in any way sound harsh with my reply. I'll just be as honest as I can.

You can't change the past or block it out, no matter how hard you try. Alcohol is not the answer, b/c eventually you sober up, and your past is still there. Also, alcoholism will just screw things up for you even more. You CAN feel better about the past. You just have to learn to except it. Sure, you've made mistakes, everyone does, you're only human. You need to forgive yourself and realize that you now want to move on and make a brighter future.
Perhaps you have depression. You should talk to your doctor about clinical depression and see if you can get some type of perscription to help you out.
I was suicidal in high school... I've never taken drugs to control it. It's something I have pretty much learned to control on my own. Perhaps you can do the same?
If you're reallin pinning for this lady, giver her a call and see how she feels about it. It never hurts to try. Also, it's never too late to go back to school. Your future is your own. You are the only person that can control it.

Sam Kenobi · **Mon Mar 22, 2004 6:47 pm**

Whenever I have to deal with stuff like that, I remember 2 quotes that have influenced a better frame of mind.

1) Everything happens for a reason, sometimes that reason is just hard to find

2) Don't center on your anxieties, keep your concentration on the here and now where it belongs. Be minful of the future, but not at the expense of the present.

basically Hakunna Mattata! Another solution will always present itself

Starbuck · **Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:00 pm**

Just remember, that whenever life closes one door it opens another. If you can't find that open door, look for the nearest window. I'm only 15 but I learned this so well. I was fooling around, and hurt myself, so track and cross country were out of the question, but because I couldn't do those, I got into theater, and play. Don't worry. In the end everything turns out to be okay, and if it doesn't, its not the end. Trust me, you may regret these things, but some good will come of it. Just fake it till you make it.

Kate Janeway · **Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:41 pm**

I agree with everything in above posts, and I would like to add the following suggestions. Please, at least think about them.

Don't blot out your memory or your problems; it just ends up adding more to the load. Try not to dwell on the past, but don't bury it; use it to avoid future mistakes, and learn from your past mistakes. Concentrate on what you have now and on how to make it better. Take time to think out your decisions, so that you may reduce the number of regrets later in life. If you haven't already, find something that you're good at, that you enjoy, whether it's music, or some sport, or making something. Find something or someone that will motivate you to keep on living. Let people help you with your situation, but don't expect them to do everything for you; you must work as well.

As for whether it's worth going on, why don't you go on some more and find out for yourself? With work and a little luck, things'll turn out for the better. There's only so much bad stuff one can have in life, you know; everything has a balance. You're a good person; you'll have your day - you just have to improvise 'til it comes. And you can.

Superman · Fleet Admiral Joined: 06 Dec 2003 Posts: 10220

A big thank you to all those who replied.

Just talking about a problem and reading replies can be a big help to me. I have printed off this topic and shall read and re-read it over the next few months as I try to do something about my life.

Once again, thank you very much everyone. Take care of yourselves.

Deciviel · **Wed Mar 24, 2004 2:52 pm**

Hey, I read your post and I have a little bit of advice that might help. I know it's not much, but bare with me here.

Which series (1 or more than 1) of Star Trek is your favorite, that you feel most at home with? Sometimes I feel a little down, I'll watch some Voyager or DS9, and I'll feel a lot better.

Also, have you tried listening to the Enterprise theme song? I think it might help a little.

Seven of Nine · **Thu Mar 25, 2004 2:42 pm**

OK, since you've been having these thoughts for a while, go to your GP if you trust him/her. Most will listen to how you're feeling and help you come up with strategies on how to deal with this problem.

Distracting yourself works on a short term basis, but is no good for the long term, so you have to find a way of dealing with these thoughts head on. For example, reminding yourself that whatever mistakes you've made in the past, the main thing is to learn from them and try not to repeat them.

Alcohol is never the answer, since although it will blot out the pain for a short while it will just come back even worse. Instead, work on ways to improve the future. Look at changing your job if you feel you will be happier elsewhere, do a part time course at a further education college (my mum is 39 and is going back to college after Easter, doing PC maintenance and repair, so you're never too old to go back). There are courses that can help you learn how to study, and then you can do a foundation course in a subject you enjoy. You could then if you wished do an access course and eventually go to university.

janeway9 · **Thu Mar 25, 2004 5:06 pm Re: How should I deal with regrets in life?**

Puck · The Texan Joined: 05 Jan 2004 Posts: 5596

Leo Wyatt · **Thu Mar 25, 2004 8:22 pm**

Don't hold on to the past, move forward. When you think you can't go on think I will not surrender to the sorrow, No, I will be a candle in the rain.
Life is not always easy or fair, but holding onto the past is not good. Remember and move on. Learn from it.

janeway9 · **Thu Mar 25, 2004 8:53 pm**

Puck · The Texan Joined: 05 Jan 2004 Posts: 5596

yes...please stay away from suicide....three people in my school districted commited it, ALOT of people were effected...it was really scary

Leo Wyatt · **Fri Mar 26, 2004 8:39 am**

Suicide is not the way to go. Life is precious.