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Seven of Nine
Sammie's Mammy
Joined: 16 Jun 2001
Posts: 7871
Location: North East England
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 Sun Nov 09, 2003 3:42 am A letter to a concerned parent (funny news) |
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The scene: A house in Liverpool, England. Population of house: 5 (1 disabled mother, three children and a dog.) Outside of house: a gang of kids, including a girl called Sophie.
The victim: Sophie's trainer.
The letter, to Sophie's mum from Jane Matzk (the disabled mum inside the house).
| Quote: | Dear Sophie�s Mum
I believe you want to sue us for the terrible ordeal that Sophie�s trainer went through on Thurs evening. I must say I can�t blame you. No trainer should ever have to go through an experience like that. However we must get our stories straight here.
Scenario for the court:-
On Thursday evening Sophie (accompanied by her loyal and faithful trainers) was innocently walking down the street on her way to choir practice when suddenly and without reason a violent (and unlicensed) front door leapt off it�s hinges and chased Sophie down the street. I assume, but will have to obtain further evidence from Sophie here, that the front door was shouting unchristian obscenities at this point shocking poor little Sophie into submission. The door then tackled Sophie to the ground stealing her trainer in the process. Please verify with Sophie if the door spat at her before running off with the trainer in mirth�this could be a vital factor when claiming compensation.
I believe at this moment in time the door came back to the house and jumped back onto it�s hinges, thrusting the poor innocent trainer between itself and the door frame as to cause maximum pain and discomfort to the trainer. I at this point could bear no longer to see such suffering to a trainer such as Sophie�s and dialled 999 summoning the police to rescue the trainer. The police responded with a door patrol unit�.. Specifically trained in dealing with out of control doors. They threw the door a wooden look and with a few well-aimed kicks were able to overcome it. Unfortunately they failed in their duty to arrest the door on the spot. You might like to take this into consideration when obtaining legal advice. There is a strong ground here for suing the police door unit.
I apologise profusely for my door�s behaviour and I can�t reiterate enough that I hope Sophie�s trainer makes a full and total recovery from this horrendous experience.
Incidentally�. have you ever considered that Sophie may not be being 100% truthful about what happened? I know this is a stupid and far-fetched idea but when the matter goes to court it is something that might occur to their twisted minds.
Down to the nitty gritty. As far as I�m aware at this point in time it�s not actually an offence to close your own front door on a marauding and violent mob. However to make threats of violence IS considered to be an offence. To make them to a child who is able to testify to them in court is just down right silly.
Sophie used her trainer to trap a family in a house�the police were called and rescued us. Please feel free to sue us�it�ll be a very amusing situation.
Yours sincerely,
Jane Matzk
(Copies to the entire internet)
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Obviously, I had to change the girl's name (she's not called Sophie, and I apologise to all the Sophie's of the world for the use of their name), but Jane Matzk is a real person (she's my mum.)
My family has been having problems with this gang for a few weeks now, but this was my mum's response when Sophie said her mum was going to sue her. It was so funny I had to post it here.
If you would like to contact Jane Matzk over this letter, her e-mail address is [email protected] 
(A quick note: to those who don't understand English Slang, a trainer is a training shoe, also known as a sneaker in America).
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Jeremy
J's Guy
Joined: 03 Oct 2002
Posts: 7823
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
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| Sun Nov 09, 2003 5:47 pm |
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Well done on your mum! It sounds like it would stand up in court very well. What have the gang been doing? Little minks.
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harrykims#1fan
Fan Girl Muskateer
Joined: 08 Feb 2002
Posts: 2916
Location: Leicester UK
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| Sat Nov 15, 2003 6:35 am |
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thats a good letter 
-------signature-------
Stoke me a clipper i'll be back for christmas
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davecenter
Commander
Joined: 22 Oct 2003
Posts: 391
Location: The Bridge
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| Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:29 pm |
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That was just too awesome. Isn't the world crazy though?
-------signature-------
Some think they are great, some want to be great, but very few are truly great
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Tech
Rear Admiral
Joined: 12 Apr 2003
Posts: 3476
Location: U.S.S. Galaxia
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| Fri Dec 05, 2003 12:33 pm |
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Funny, but strange, letter.
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