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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Mon Sep 08, 2003 12:19 pm the uss. stealth |
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the uss stealth will officialy take off shortly, but I am out of time now, so I will say "to be written later"
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Mon Sep 08, 2003 2:32 pm |
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Chapter 1
It was April, twelfth, 2389, four years after the enterprise E was destroyed, and starfleet was experimenting with something new.
cloaking devices and transwarp cores.
The Uss stealth was the prottotype.
It was a typical klingon bird of prey, with a transwarp core, and it was painted in non-reflective paint. It had no starfleet markings and appeared only as a sensor ghost when it was not cloaked.
It's Captain, A Captain J. Flackey, was most amused.
this was starfleets biggest seceret, and at the moment, not even they were sure where it was.
It had started about an hour after the test flight.
The sun, 40 Eridani, or Vulcan's sun, flared just as they engaged the cloaking device.
the solar flare had fused a few circuits, and now the damned cloak would not go off-line.
Also, the warp engines had to be ejected, and they were running on docking thrusters because some idiot at starfleet command decided to tie the impulse engines into the warp core.
"...so where are you guys?"
The Captain snapped out of his daze.
"we do not know where we are, either, we are running at full thrusters, blind as a bat, and we cannot see anything but the damned interference from that flare"The Captain replied
"well starfleet is not nearly as amused as you are, captain"the admiral replied.
"well it was designed to be almost indetectable, wasn't it?"the captain said
"I will have you demoted for that remark"the admiral joked.
"You got to find us first, remember?"the captain joked back.
"so what does you're engineering team say?"the admiral asked.
"I haven't a clue."
"why not?"
"intraship communications are out."
"yet sub-space is not?"
"we had to use a god damned probe hooked up to a tricorder to send this, so don't smart mouth me, admiral."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------to be continued later
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Marina Sirtis Lieutenant
Joined: 19 Apr 2003 Posts: 138 Location: I am in a room, with lights.
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Mon Sep 08, 2003 5:35 pm |
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Nice Story
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Tue Sep 09, 2003 12:46 pm |
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thanks.
to think I haven't got through the first chapter yet, but on three sites, I have a ship called the uss stealth, lol
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Voy_Girl Admiral
Joined: 07 Jan 2002 Posts: 8302 Location: Fair Haven
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Tue Sep 09, 2003 2:36 pm |
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That ship will undoubtedly have many adventures... *hint*
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Thu Sep 11, 2003 12:56 pm |
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lol.
chapter 1.5:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------back at starfleet headquarters things were not going well.
the federation had just did a big no-no.
they broke a treaty with the romulans by equipping a starfleet vesel, klingon design as it may be, with a cloaking device.
the romulans had already started using thier plasma weapons again, as that was thier part in the treaty, and the poor ship that started it all was...
...according to sensors...
...flying right into 40 eridani.
the captain was unaware, and starfleet was looking for a way to save them.
the Enterprise-F was already trying with tractor beams, and even a couple phaser shots, but that just destabilized the cloak, however they did impair the engines, so the ship was currently in a state...
...of patheticness.
the cloak, shields, warp core, weapons, tractor beams, docking thrusters, and impulse engines were off-line.
intraship communications was non-existant, and "long range" communications was limited to AM and FM bands.
the captain was not amused.
the chief engineer was going on his fifth consecutive shift, and the enterprise e was patrolling that space.
"well, the cloak is fixed, so we might want to put that on right about now."the engineer said
"very well" the captain said.
The ship cloaked, still drifting towards 40 eridani, when a transwarp conduit opened up.
a ROMULAN ship came from within it.
the enterprise immediatly started firing on the ship, while the stealth just kinda drifted out of the way.
Then something glorious happened.
The warp core, as well as impulse engines and weapons, came on.
the shields weren't there, so they had to fir when cloaked.
Normally this was energy intensive.
That didn't matter with a prottotype warp core, pushing out 200 terrawatts per second.
So that is how the Romulan wars started.
When a federation flagship, and it's cloaked prottotype companion destroyed an intruder into federation space.
Last edited by someone on Fri Sep 12, 2003 6:14 pm; edited 1 time in total
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Fri Sep 12, 2003 6:14 pm |
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Chapter two:THE ROMULAN WARS.
The USS Stealth just sat there, still cloaked, with more little boards on the bridge coming on every few minutes.
The Enterprise-F was recovering from a torpedoe shot to the nacelle, and a phaser blast in the deflector dish.
yet, no matter how much you looked at thier systems, even if you could combine them into one ship, they would not be able to fly for a while.
both ships recieved a blast to the warp core, disabling them, when the romulan cruiser blew up.
They were also very lucky.
had they been able to hear it, starfleet was sending them a message calling the USS stealth to stand down, and throw the cloak out the window.
Captain Flackey wouldn't have done it anyway.
neither would his crew.
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Sat Sep 13, 2003 4:38 pm |
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CHAPTER 2.25:
THE captain sat there, quite amused, according to starfleet, the USS Stealth was to be decommisioned, but the crew had already decided that the ship was thiers, so he decided to help them.
The Enterprise-F had already left, and had relayed the message to them.
Captain Flackey did not care.
The crew AND captain had mutinied.
and there wasn't a damned thing starfleet could do about it.
They had to find them first.
The ship had been renamed as the Privately Owned Cruiser(poc) Stealth, they liked the name, but not the starfleet call numbers, so it was renumbered the poc-0001.
The Captain liked that too.
The bridge crew called it the peice of crap Stealth because of all the repairs it was under going, but the crew was ready for anything.
Unlike the Romulan version of the ship, this one could fire while cloaked, and had a device which supplied the cloak power through any available means, including solar, and hydro-fuel pumps.
This made the ship Completely invisible, thanks to the chief engineer's idea of painting the hull in non-reflective paijnt.
Starfleet simply did not care.
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Melodramatic Rear Admiral
Joined: 04 Feb 2003 Posts: 4577
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Sun Sep 14, 2003 7:26 pm |
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Good job.
Its coming along nicley.
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Alpha6006 Commander
Joined: 24 Jun 2003 Posts: 410 Location: At Co-ordinates 22.24.1224.
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Sun Sep 14, 2003 7:47 pm ******BETA READER****** |
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NOW THATS WHAT I CALL A START OF A BRILLIANT FAN FIC!!!
not only have you made a totally new ship, U.S.S. Stealth but you also have believable charactors!
But sometimes i get lost, I sometimes dont know who is saying what. For Example
Quote: |
"I haven't a clue."
"why not?"
"intraship communications are out."
"yet sub-space is not?"
"we had to use a god damned probe hooked up to a tricorder to send this, so don't smart mouth me, admiral." |
so it would be easier for readers to find out who is saying who, When writing fanfics you have to think you are writing for people who have never heard of Startrek, Thats is always a good key!
sorry but I also have to pick up on somthing, In federation and Romulan Treaty it stated that The federation will not and connot be allowed cloaking capabilities.
Although what you can do, Is have a starship that uses holographic technology to mask itself from being a federation starship to any ship in its database! Then it wouldn't be a infringement of the treaty.
But apart from that, I really enjoyed reading what you have written so far!
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Mon Sep 15, 2003 12:48 pm |
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You are forgetting an important part to the story.
THIS STORY FOCUSES ON A WAR WITH THE ROMULANS BECAUSE THE FEDERATION BROKE THAT TREATY AnD EXPERIMENTED WITH A CLOACKING DEVICE ON A RIP OFF DESIGN OF A KLINGON BIRD OF PREY, PLEASE READ CHAPTER:THE ROMULAN WARS, IT'S ALL IN THERE.
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Mon Sep 15, 2003 1:43 pm |
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P.S. I am the author, remember?
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Alpha6006 Commander
Joined: 24 Jun 2003 Posts: 410 Location: At Co-ordinates 22.24.1224.
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Mon Sep 15, 2003 5:22 pm ********BETA READER*********** |
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someone wrote: | You are forgetting an important part to the story.
THIS STORY FOCUSES ON A WAR WITH THE ROMULANS BECAUSE THE FEDERATION BROKE THAT TREATY AnD EXPERIMENTED WITH A CLOACKING DEVICE ON A RIP OFF DESIGN OF A KLINGON BIRD OF PREY, PLEASE READ CHAPTER:THE ROMULAN WARS, IT'S ALL IN THERE. |
OK I have to formally say sorry, I must of didn't take that into account, I probally read it then my mind just didn't register it!! Sorry PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, Good Concept!
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Tue Sep 16, 2003 11:23 am |
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thanx.
I borrowed it from my new rpg(the fourth chapter of the uss/iss polluxia/uss stealth storyline).
or the other way around, I'm not sure, lol.
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Voy_Girl Admiral
Joined: 07 Jan 2002 Posts: 8302 Location: Fair Haven
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Tue Sep 16, 2003 12:56 pm |
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someone wrote: | P.S. I am the author, remember? |
He's just trying to make your story even better.
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Tue Sep 16, 2003 2:05 pm |
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lol, I know, but it's my style, not his, lol, geez.mods...what can you do?lol
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Thomas Pool Princess
Joined: 08 Jul 2001 Posts: 19730 Location: Manchester
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Tue Sep 16, 2003 2:41 pm |
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He's just trying to help. Part of posting your work here is to accept construtive criticism to improve your skills.
-------signature-------
Gloss rhymes with hair!
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Tue Sep 16, 2003 2:42 pm |
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hmmm...HEY CAN I DO THAT FOR YOU MR. MOD, LOL, NO, j/k
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Tue Sep 16, 2003 3:07 pm |
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as most of you have probably guessed, I do not apreciate people telling me how I should write MY story.
It is MINE and I will write it as I see fit.
sorry for the inconvenience but this story is to be read and enjoyed.
NOT ANALYZED!
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Voy_Girl Admiral
Joined: 07 Jan 2002 Posts: 8302 Location: Fair Haven
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Wed Sep 17, 2003 2:08 pm |
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someone wrote: | as most of you have probably guessed, I do not apreciate people telling me how I should write MY story.
It is MINE and I will write it as I see fit.
sorry for the inconvenience but this story is to be read and enjoyed.
NOT ANALYZED! |
True... But constructive critisism is more helpful than just "good job" or "keep going". Besides, writing things in a size smaller than tiny, can look a little suspicious.
Well, keep on writing it your way, since that's what you're fighting for. But still, no one can ever make you change your unique writing style, in the end.
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Alpha6006 Commander
Joined: 24 Jun 2003 Posts: 410 Location: At Co-ordinates 22.24.1224.
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Wed Sep 17, 2003 3:34 pm ********BETA READER******** |
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Look, Someone!
I know your the author. And I am not saying that your not, I was only just speaking my mind about your fanfic! Giving you advice as a fan of Startrek, a Reader and as a friend! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and even BETA Readers have their own opinion, I know it hard to believe! And I was only trying to be helpful and friendly by giving you advice. But you cannot stop anyone posting here, only if your a mod, and you can close this, then you'll be able to stop people posting!
G'night
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Seven of Nine Sammie's Mammy
Joined: 16 Jun 2001 Posts: 7871 Location: North East England
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Thu Sep 18, 2003 1:27 am |
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Someone:
We can't stop you writing in your own style, and we're not trying to do that. However, if you cannot take constructive critism, you may ask me to lock this story and you can find somewhere else to post.
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someone Commodore
Joined: 06 Jun 2003 Posts: 1198 Location: not on site(left)
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Fri Sep 26, 2003 4:41 pm |
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the uss stealth has been destroyed, please lock this story.
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Voy_Girl Admiral
Joined: 07 Jan 2002 Posts: 8302 Location: Fair Haven
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Sat Sep 27, 2003 1:49 pm |
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Locked.
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