Inspirational/Funny stuff

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:24 pm**

American Flag: $25
Gasoline: $2
Cigarette Lighter: $2.50
Catching yourself on fire because you are a terrorist *beep*: Priceless

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:27 pm**

Osama's Genie

Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said "Master, may I grant you one wish?" Hey, bitch. Don't you know who I am? I don't need no woman givin' me nuthin'" barked Bin Laden
The genie pleaded "But master, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever."
Osama thought a moment. Then, grumbling about the inconvenience of it all, he said "okay, okay, I wanna wake up with three white women in my bed in the morning, so just do it!" Giving the genie an evil glare, he screamed "Now leave me alone bitch!"
The annoyed genie said "So be it!" and disappeared back into the bottle.

The next morning, Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His *beep* was gone, his leg was broken, and he had no health insurance.

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:29 pm**

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:32 pm**

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:34 pm**

Ultimatum to the Taliban:
DELIVER OSAMA BIN LADEN TO US NOW, OR...
WE WILL TAKE ALL YOUR WOMEN AND SEND THEM TO COLLEGE

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Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:44 pm**

I Am The Flag

I am the flag of the United States of America. My name is Old Glory.
I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
I stand watch in America's halls of justice.
I fly majestically over institutions of learning.
I stand guard with power in the world.
Look up and see me.
I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice.
I stand for freedom.
I am confident. I am arrogant. I am proud.
When I am flown with my fellow banners, my head is a little higher, my colors a little truer.
I bow to no one! I am recognized all over the world.
I am worshipped - I am saluted.
I am loved - I am revered. I am respected - and I am feared.
I have fought in every battle of every war for more then 200 years.
I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh and Appamatox.
I was there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France, in the Argonne Forest,
Anzio, Rome and the beaches of Normandy, Guam. Okinawa, Korea and KheSan, Saigon, Vietnam.
I was there. I led my troops,
I was dirty, battleworn and tired, but my soldiers cheered me
And I was proud.
I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of countries I have helped set free.
It does not hurt, for I am invincible.
I have been soiled upon, burned, torn and trampled on the streets of my country.
And when it's by those whom I've served in battle-it hurts.
But I shall overcome - for I am strong.
I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over the uncharted
frontiers of space from my vantage point on the moon.
I have borne silent witness to all of America's finest hours.
But my finest hours are yet to come.
When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded comrades onthe battlefield,
When I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldier,
Or when I lie in the trembling arms of a grieving parent at
the grave of their fallen son or daughter, I am proud.
MY NAME IS OLD GLORY
LONG MAY I WAVE.

DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN:
LONG MAY I WAVE
PLEASE FORWARD MY MESSAGE TO ALL WHO
STILL LOVE AND RESPECT ME,
THAT I MAY FLY PROUDLY FOR
ANOTHER TWO HUNDRED YEARS.

Author Unknown
But loved by all free people.

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:45 pm**

@Chuckles · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:51 pm**

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:52 pm**

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:55 pm**

Yup, they certainly are,

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:55 pm**

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 9:58 pm**

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 10:00 pm**

...“When I take action, I’m not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It’s going to be decisive.” President George W. Bush. Source: Newsweek, September 24, 2001

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 10:04 pm**

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 10:08 pm**

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 10:10 pm**

September 12, 2001

Dear Osama bin Laden, et. al.,

We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule that there are no rules, we look forward to playing by them for the first time.
Since this game is winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. However, rest assured that we would toast you - literally.
While we admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing in your court now. Batter up!

Sincerely,

The 320 million citizens of the United States of America who DO live under God

PS: Those aircraft you hear overhead are not full of civilians.

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 10:18 pm**

I really like that eagle.

Zeke Zabertini · Captain Joined: 13 Sep 2002 Posts: 4832

Maquis74656, I laud your patriotism, but I take offense at all this. You are a moderator, I am ashamed of you. If I moderated I would never allow someone to post such derogative and ill-meaning things. I hereby object to all the above posts.

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 10:21 pm**

Name something specific. Osama is an *beep*, whether you agree with me or not.

Theresa · **Sun Feb 23, 2003 10:22 pm**

Zeke Zabertini · Captain Joined: 13 Sep 2002 Posts: 4832

No. That post symbolises the true spirit of the U.S.A. The ones above it are no better than hate mail.