Rules of Acquisition

[I Luv Trip]

The Ferengi Rules of Aquisition

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.
2. If they want their money back, give it to them.
3. Never spend more for an Acquisition than you have to.
4. A women wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7. Keep your ears open.
8. Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10. Greed is eternal.
12. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing twice.
16. A deal is a deal (until a better one comes along).
17. A contract is a contract is a contract--but only between Ferengi.
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
20. Only give money to people who know you can steal from.
21. Never place profit before friendship.
22. A wise man can here profit in the wind.
23. Money can never replace dignity.
24. Latinum can't buy happiness, but can sure have a blast renting it.
25. There's always a way out.
26. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
31. Never insult a Ferengi's mother. Instead insult something he cares about.
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34. War is good for business.
35. Peace is good for business.
39. Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
40. She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
41. Profit is its own reward
42. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45. Ambition knows no family.
46. Make your shop easy to find.
47. Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than your own.
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
49. Everything is worth something to somebody.
50. Gratitude can bring on generosity.
52. Never ask when you can take.
57. Good customers are as rare as Latinum. Treasure them.
58. Free advice is seldom cheap.
60. Keep your lies consistent.
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
63. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
68. Ear stroking will get you anything.
69. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
72. Never trust your customers.
73. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.
76. Every once in a while declare peace--it confuses the hell out of your enemies.
77. Its better to swallow your pride than to lose your your profit.
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
84. A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
87. A friend in need means three times the profit.
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits.
94. Females and finances don't mix.
95. Expand or die.
96. For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule. (except when there's not)
97. Enough......is enough.
98. Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
100. If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offended too much.
101. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
102. Nature decays but Latinum is forever.
103. Sleep can interfere with....[cut off]
104. Faith moves mountains..of inventory.
105. Don't trust anyone who trusts you.
106. There is no honor in provity.
107. A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111. Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them.
116. There's always a catch.
119. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet (.....sometimes good things come in small packages).
121. Everything is for sale, including friendship.
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
125. Count it.
127. Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
135. Never trust a beneficiary.
139. Wives serve. Brothers inherit.
141. Only fools pay retail.
144. There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket.
146. Necessity, n. The mother of invitation. Profit is the father.
152. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.
153. Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
162. Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
169. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
177. Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
188. A fool and his money is the best customer.
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
191. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
192. Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
200. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
202. The justification of profit is profit.
203. New customers are like razor-backed Greeworms--They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success--don't hesitate to step on them.
216. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
217. You can't free a fish from water.
217. Sometimes what you get free cost entirely too much.
219. Possession is 11/10 of the law.
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
231. There's a sucker born every minute: be sure you're the first to find each one.
236. You can't buy fate.
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
241. Never trust a hardworking employee.
242. More is good...all is better.
255. A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.
260. Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
262. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.
265. The customer is always right (...until you get their cash).
266. When in doubt, lie.
270. In business deals, a disrupter can be almost as important as a calculator.
273. Never trust a hardworking employee.
284. Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
285.A good dead never goes unpunished.
286. When Morn leaves, it's all over.
299. Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, its easier to exploit them the next time.
?. one person's secret is another person's opportunity.
?. You can can tell a great deal about a man from his shoes.
?. Time's an asset.
?. Your goods are now my goods.
?. Exploitation begins at home.
**. When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up. (the unwritten rule)

[I Luv Trip]

my favorite are #'s 4, 10, 6, 42, 48, 96, 94, 116, 223, 266, You can tell a great deal about a man from his shoes, Explotation begins at home and the unwritten rule

[Lindley]

Heh.....which of them do you have memorized?

I know #1 and #75 by heart. I've been meaning to memorize a few more.

EDIT: Wait a minute......286 was made up by Quark. Its not official. 299 was made up by Neelix, so its REALLY not official. #2 isn't a real rule, it was something from the short-lived "revised rules". I'm not going to go through the rest.

[ This Message was edited by: Lindley on 2002-04-13 19:16 ]

[I Luv Trip]

i know #4 #42 and #223

[DeltaFlyer]

lol ooh sheesh thats funny

[Dr. Jetrel]

[syd2002]

Thats funny!

[I Luv Trip]

thanx, i thought the rules of acquisition were funny, thats why i posted them.

[8472_boothby]

kool
i like the rule:
stay neutral in a conflict so you can sell products to both sides:P

[Jadzia Lenara Dax]

#4 is rather sexist...(but yes, I know, the Ferengis were sexist, so I'm not going to complain! *grins*) But I love #229 and #219, also the one about "Beware the Vulcan thirst for knowledge."

[8472_boothby]

ferengi rule!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Brit Babe]

rule 285 is my favourite and its very true.

[Pah-Wraith]

33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss- too true

[thegame]

The 109th rule is the most useful, remember it in all you do.


"Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack" -Quark in "Rivals"

[Bajoran Prophet]

I asoume 2. means hold a phaser to there heads untill they leave

[Oompsty]

111. Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them

Ahaha, that's my favorite

[Lindley]

[Oompsty]

Yes, it's kinda obvious, we all know ferangi don't give money back

[Bajoran Prophet]

The current Grand Negess would

[Oompsty]

Yah, but would one ferangi really incite an entire rule of which most ferangis would disagree with?

[Maverick]

How can someone memorize all of those rules? LOL

[Pah-Wraith]

easy with practice

[Oompsty]

It's like a lwayer memorizing law, just takes practice like Pah said.