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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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 Tue Apr 21, 2009 6:21 pm Love can really hurt some times |
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I made this topic because very recently, 6 days ago. My girlfriend of almost 3 years left me out of the blue, I left her house, went home, sent her a email saying I loved her and got back a email saying that we should be apart. No reason or anything, When I talked to her I just got told well I just don't care about you any more. I don't understand how you can go from tuesday staying up all night being all loving and watching a movie together all cuddled up together to thursday I don't care about you.
I am having a hard time, but I know I will be fine in the long run of things. I just want to know how do you deal with the pain, the sadness, the questions that flood your mind, and all this.
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Theresa
Lux Mihi Deus
Joined: 17 Jun 2001
Posts: 27256
Location: United States of America
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| Tue Apr 21, 2009 8:30 pm |
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Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm lousy with any advice, though,  Is she any more willing to talk to you and let you know her reasoning, or are you still completely in the dark?
-------signature-------
Some of us fall by the wayside
And some of us soar to the stars
And some of us sail through our troubles
And some have to live with our scars
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Tue Apr 21, 2009 8:37 pm |
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| Theresa wrote: | | Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm lousy with any advice, though, Is she any more willing to talk to you and let you know her reasoning, or are you still completely in the dark? |
She is not any more reluctant to tell me anything, all she really told me was that we could still be friends just to give her some time. I am completely in the dark as to why this happened, Just going day by day.
What my problem is: I know it is over, but I AM HAVING A SUPER hard time with the moving on process, I will be sitting here trying to do something and all I can think is "Is she ok, whats she doing, does she already have someone else, is she going to come back" or along the lines of those.
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squiggy
Stooge Two
Joined: 09 Mar 2004
Posts: 3007
Location: Messing with the fabric of Video Game realities. I'll summon Shiva on you! I SWEAR!
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| Tue Apr 21, 2009 10:09 pm |
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My friend, these are questions you likely won't have an answer for. How do we deal with the pain? Some of us don't. Some of us do, going to very sad extremes. I hope that whatever choice you choose, you continue to move forward. As to why, I wish I could tell you, because the question has come across my mind more than a few times.
I don't think it's a question we're meant to answer...
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Tue Apr 21, 2009 10:14 pm |
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| squiggy wrote: | My friend, these are questions you likely won't have an answer for. How do we deal with the pain? Some of us don't. Some of us do, going to very sad extremes. I hope that whatever choice you choose, you continue to move forward. As to why, I wish I could tell you, because the question has come across my mind more than a few times.
I don't think it's a question we're meant to answer... |
So so true, I am going to move forwards just really slowly.
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Gracie
Junior Cadet
Joined: 16 Apr 2009
Posts: 17
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:18 am |
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I'm so sorry for you. I know I'm new here, and I'm probably younger and a lot less experienced than most of you on here, but I thought I'd offer my condolances anyway.
I'm quite introverted, so when I'm going through a hard time I feel I need a lot of time for introspection and healing on my own. I would most likely write about what's happening to me or take a walk or talk to someone who I trust 100%, so that things feel more ordered and not so daunting, or at least so I've fully acknowledged how I'm feeling. Don't forget that it's ok to wallow in pain sometimes, because often it's the only way around things. Denying your feelings often only makes things a lot worse. Just remember to look towards a bigger picture and that you're indulging your pain to eventually heal.
Of course that's probably not so helpful if your extroverted.. Maybe you could try doing the opposite - go out to wild parties and throw away all your notebooks and pens 
Sometimes I wish we were more like animals.. Life would be so much simpler in so many ways.
I hope things look up for you 
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:24 am |
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| Gracie wrote: | I'm so sorry for you. I know I'm new here, and I'm probably younger and a lot less experienced than most of you on here, but I thought I'd offer my condolances anyway.
I'm quite introverted, so when I'm going through a hard time I feel I need a lot of time for introspection and healing on my own. I would most likely write about what's happening to me or take a walk or talk to someone who I trust 100%, so that things feel more ordered and not so daunting, or at least so I've fully acknowledged how I'm feeling. Don't forget that it's ok to wallow in pain sometimes, because often it's the only way around things. Denying your feelings often only makes things a lot worse. Just remember to look towards a bigger picture and that you're indulging your pain to eventually heal.
Of course that's probably not so helpful if your extroverted.. Maybe you could try doing the opposite - go out to wild parties and throw away all your notebooks and pens
Sometimes I wish we were more like animals.. Life would be so much simpler in so many ways.
I hope things look up for you |
Hi Gracie, You are proably not that much younger than me and my ex. I am only 20 and she is only 18.
I am just really sad right now, because well it doesn't make sense to me why this happened. All my other breakups I have been though have had a clear reason, IE: She cheated on me, or well she had to move. This one swore up and down that she loved me right till it happened, I just don't get how you can go a day and completly change your personality and feelings towards others.
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Gracie
Junior Cadet
Joined: 16 Apr 2009
Posts: 17
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 1:10 pm |
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Neither do I really, that must've been so horrible. I don't wanna stand up for her, but perhaps it was just too painful for her to deal with fully, and found it easier to just cut it off completely. I don't know why though.. I've always felt it imperative for both parties to have closure so that they can heal and move on.
I know you don't really know me, but just from the point of view of another human being I am truly sorry that this has happened to you. I know how utterly devastating break ups can be, especially when you don't get an explanation. I hope you find it within you to stay strong and hopeful
Oh and I'm 17, so you're right, not that much younger
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 1:14 pm |
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| Gracie wrote: | Neither do I really, that must've been so horrible. I don't wanna stand up for her, but perhaps it was just too painful for her to deal with fully, and found it easier to just cut it off completely. I don't know why though.. I've always felt it imperative for both parties to have closure so that they can heal and move on.
I know you don't really know me, but just from the point of view of another human being I am truly sorry that this has happened to you. I know how utterly devastating break ups can be, especially when you don't get an explanation. I hope you find it within you to stay strong and hopeful
Oh and I'm 17, so you're right, not that much younger |
Thanks Gracie, That helps it really does help.
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Gracie
Junior Cadet
Joined: 16 Apr 2009
Posts: 17
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 1:15 pm |
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any time
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 1:19 pm |
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| Gracie wrote: | | any time |
Thanks, I just hope that me and her get back together, I REALLY care and love her. But if we do not get back together I am sure I can move on and find some one else.
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Gracie
Junior Cadet
Joined: 16 Apr 2009
Posts: 17
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 1:27 pm |
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I'm sure, although I completely get that it doesn't feel like it at the moment. I'm sure you barely even want to contemplate having to move on. I hope you can work things out with her, just don't sacrifice your own hapiness in the long run.
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 2:51 pm |
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| Gracie wrote: | | I'm sure, although I completely get that it doesn't feel like it at the moment. I'm sure you barely even want to contemplate having to move on. I hope you can work things out with her, just don't sacrifice your own hapiness in the long run. |
No at the moment I feel terrible, All I think about is her. I hope so too, but I kind of feel like it not going to happen like that. Just have a bad gut feeling about it.
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B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9
Ballet Babe
Joined: 20 Aug 2001
Posts: 3642
Location: DISNEY WORLD
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 9:48 pm Re: Love can really hurt some times |
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| Captain Patrick wrote: | I made this topic because very recently, 6 days ago. My girlfriend of almost 3 years left me out of the blue, I left her house, went home, sent her a email saying I loved her and got back a email saying that we should be apart. No reason or anything, When I talked to her I just got told well I just don't care about you any more. I don't understand how you can go from tuesday staying up all night being all loving and watching a movie together all cuddled up together to thursday I don't care about you.
I am having a hard time, but I know I will be fine in the long run of things. I just want to know how do you deal with the pain, the sadness, the questions that flood your mind, and all this. |
I can totally relate!! The same thing happened to me exactly one month ago! Completely out of the blue!! Everything was fantastic and great for 3 straight months. Then suddenly out of no where my guy got really distant. I knew he had a lot on his plate and work, and there was something else I think in his family life that had happened, but he didn't want to talk about it. Anyway, after a week of him drifting further and further away out of NO WHERE, i called him up and was like, "What is going on???". Well, i never got a clear answer about anything. I still don't know what happened or why he suddenly out of the blue "changed his mind" about us. It was awful!!
So yea - exact same thing JUST happened to me. The worst of it is not having any answers, and the fact that it's not a mutual break up!! That is what I'm struggling the most with right now!
What I did do deal with this was just stay busy. You can't let yourself stop living! I did the things that I enjoyed doing to distract myself. However, there were times where no matter what I did, no matter what i tried to do, I couldn't stop thinking about it and I was just miserable no matter what.
Its been a month now, and I still absolutely miss him like crazy! I tried to go out with someone else the week we broke up - just to get my mind off of it and see that I did have other options, but It was just too soon.
It's so funny b/c my situation is SOOO like yours!! We fell asleep watching a movie on his couch that night, and the next day, *BAM*, he was a completely different person - something had happened out of the blue!!
Make sure that you do let yourself mourn over this. If you try to play it tough and not let it get to you, it will come out at sometime when you don't want it to. So be sure to let yourself mourn.
One thing I found that helped when I was completely stuck in a rut and not able to think about anything else, was to zone out watching a TV show that i enjoyed. I don't watch TV, but I was able to pull up episodes online of "House". It was a good temporary emotional break - just let me completely zone and not have to think!
Nothing will make you forget or make it completely better. Time absolutely does help, but unfortunately time seems to tick its slowest right now. Someone told me a quote the other day though that really helped and that was, "You're just one person closer to finding the man of your dreams." In your case it would be "woman" obviously, but still - you get my drift.
If you need anyone to talk to, i'm always here!!! You can im me on MSNM ([email protected]), or you can always find me on facebook too!!
I hope that you feel better! And i'm REALLY sorry about that- like I said, i COMPLETELY and UTTERLY understand your pain!!!
-------signature-------
"...I want so much more than they've got planned."*Belle Reprise* Beauty and the Beast
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 10:17 pm Re: Love can really hurt some times |
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| B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9 wrote: |
So yea - exact same thing JUST happened to me. The worst of it is not having any answers, and the fact that it's not a mutual break up!! That is what I'm struggling the most with right now! |
That is so so so true, Not getting answers, not knowing why this truly happened is by far the worst part of it. I would probably be dealing with this better if I just knew why.
| B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9 wrote: |
What I did do deal with this was just stay busy. You can't let yourself stop living! I did the things that I enjoyed doing to distract myself. However, there were times where no matter what I did, no matter what i tried to do, I couldn't stop thinking about it and I was just miserable no matter what. |
I am trying my hardest to stay busy but that is easier said than done where I live at the moment. I know what you mean, I will be doing something to pass the time away and then bam it hits that hey she's gone and I just fall apart. Their are always little reminders, An example of this was I was siting at my desk in my bed room and I looked over and saw a cup that was full of water that we were using to put on fake tattoos with just to be cute and play around and then I get hit with hey, this happened so fast, so one sided that I just want to cry.
| B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9 wrote: |
Its been a month now, and I still absolutely miss him like crazy! I tried to go out with someone else the week we broke up - just to get my mind off of it and see that I did have other options, but It was just too soon. |
I am going to stay out of the game for awhile, it just hurt me too much to get back in for awhile. Probably going to just devote to school and work for a bit to help pass it though.
| B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9 wrote: |
It's so funny b/c my situation is SOOO like yours!! We fell asleep watching a movie on his couch that night, and the next day, *BAM*, he was a completely different person - something had happened out of the blue!! |
Yea that is by far the hardest part because it was like till almost 3am just talking and laughing and really getting into the movie. It was a really good movie called deception with Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor. Then with in like 2 days it was hey don't want to be apart of your life any more, and she has been acting really mad towards me whenever I see her.
| B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9 wrote: |
Make sure that you do let yourself mourn over this. If you try to play it tough and not let it get to you, it will come out at sometime when you don't want it to. So be sure to let yourself mourn. |
Oh I am mourning, I am not one of those guys that don't want to show emotions. If it helps I would break down crying in walmart and not be a bit embarrassed.
| B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9 wrote: |
Nothing will make you forget or make it completely better. Time absolutely does help, but unfortunately time seems to tick its slowest right now. Someone told me a quote the other day though that really helped and that was, "You're just one person closer to finding the man of your dreams." In your case it would be "woman" obviously, but still - you get my drift. |
Yea I know that saying, but for me We had been together for almost 3 years, we were engaged. I really did think and hope she was the one,
| B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9 wrote: |
If you need anyone to talk to, i'm always here!!! You can im me on MSNM ([email protected]), or you can always find me on facebook too!!
I hope that you feel better! And i'm REALLY sorry about that- like I said, i COMPLETELY and UTTERLY understand your pain!!! |
I use neither of those so I will have to stick to the forums here, I am sorry about your lose too. The world is a mean thing some times, but it helps make us stronger and better people.
I want to say thank you B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9, just knowing that someone else out there is going though this helps alot. I mean it sucks that you lost your man but you know....
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B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9
Ballet Babe
Joined: 20 Aug 2001
Posts: 3642
Location: DISNEY WORLD
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:15 pm |
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I have a friend who was engaged at one time, and then ended up breaking up - not good times. Eventually though she did meet someone else, and now is happily married w/ two beautiful little girls!
And who knows - i don't mean to give you false hope, but perhaps she'll come around? I know people who that has happened to also.
*sigh*...
one thing that makes me SOO mad about my ex is there was NOTHING about him that I didn't like!! NOTHING!! Now if there were things about him that I didn't like, then I think it would be a bit more easier.
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:23 pm |
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| B'Elanna Torres 7 of 9 wrote: |
And who knows - i don't mean to give you false hope, but perhaps she'll come around? I know people who that has happened to also.
*sigh*...
one thing that makes me SOO mad about my ex is there was NOTHING about him that I didn't like!! NOTHING!! Now if there were things about him that I didn't like, then I think it would be a bit more easier. |
I know for sure she is not coming around, I just know.
Me too, there was not a single thing wrong with her. She was prefect to me, I mean others probably say a few flaws with her but I just saw the most prefect person. I like everything about her in every way.
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Dirt
Exercise Boy
Joined: 19 May 2003
Posts: 2086
Location: a tree
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| Thu Apr 23, 2009 2:30 pm |
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Just out of curiousity: was this your first serious relationship?
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Thu Apr 23, 2009 3:02 pm |
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| Dirt wrote: | | Just out of curiousity: was this your first serious relationship? |
Yea it was the first really long term one, the others were all just like 2 maybe 3 months. This was the first girl I really connected with and actually was able to talk to and be with.
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Dirt
Exercise Boy
Joined: 19 May 2003
Posts: 2086
Location: a tree
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| Thu Apr 23, 2009 3:22 pm |
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Well, from my personal experience. You probably feel like you've lost everything and the most special person in the world to you, but that's really not the case.
After a while it will hurt less, you will develop more as a person and you'll look at it all from a whole new perspective!
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Thu Apr 23, 2009 4:16 pm |
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| Dirt wrote: | Well, from my personal experience. You probably feel like you've lost everything and the most special person in the world to you, but that's really not the case.
After a while it will hurt less, you will develop more as a person and you'll look at it all from a whole new perspective! |
I know, Actually talking it out with people on here is helping the most. It already hurts a bit less because I am really starting to realise that it is over.
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:42 pm |
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another thing that help is listening to Voltaire's Boo Hoo album.
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Founder
Dominion Leader
Joined: 21 Jun 2004
Posts: 12755
Location: Gamma Quadrant
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| Fri Apr 24, 2009 2:09 pm |
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I know the clique phrases like "it'll get better with time" prolly mean little to you, but it is true. I semi-recently lost my g/f of many years and it hurt. I don't understand why yours suddenly had strange reversal of feelings, but it will get better and you'll find someone else later on. It's always interesting to look back on the old ones when you have a new g/f. The old ones often seem so much more childish in ways.
Hang in there, dude.
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Captain Patrick
Commodore
Joined: 06 Mar 2005
Posts: 2421
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| Fri Apr 24, 2009 2:54 pm |
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| Founder wrote: | I know the clique phrases like "it'll get better with time" prolly mean little to you, but it is true. I semi-recently lost my g/f of many years and it hurt. I don't understand why yours suddenly had strange reversal of feelings, but it will get better and you'll find someone else later on. It's always interesting to look back on the old ones when you have a new g/f. The old ones often seem so much more childish in ways.
Hang in there, dude. |
I am thinking I will just redeploy and let that help get me over it. Yea that is true, when I look back at the others gf I have had most of them do seem kinda silly.
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Founder
Dominion Leader
Joined: 21 Jun 2004
Posts: 12755
Location: Gamma Quadrant
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| Sat Apr 25, 2009 8:28 am |
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Yeah, some time away always helps out.
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