| Author |
Message |
jonathan95
Delta Prime
Joined: 29 Oct 2002
Posts: 1544
Location: UK Newcastle
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 Wed May 24, 2006 2:21 pm I am sorry had to post these |
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| Quote: | You know you are addicted to the Internet when...
* You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act.
* You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
* Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
* You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
* You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
* You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop
* You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
* All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
* And even your night dreams are in HTML.
* You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
* You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
* You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new mail arrives.
* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
* All of your friends have an @ in their names.
* When looking at a page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* Your dog has its own home page.
* You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
* You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
* You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
* You believe nothing looks sexier than a nude illuminated only by a 17" inch svga monitor.
* You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
* You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
* Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
* Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC channel.
* You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
* You don't know what sex your three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
* You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
* You laugh at people with 56K modems.
* Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
* You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee, or [C]ontinue?
* You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
* You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
* You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
* You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
* You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
* Your virtual girlfriend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
* You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
* Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
* You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
* You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
* You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 4.0 or higher.
* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
* The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
* You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while you are pretending to catch your breath.
* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
* You forget what year it is.
* You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
* You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
* You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
* You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider was allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
* You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat. |
| Quote: |
You Might Be an Engineer if
Dilbert is your hero *** <----- ***
Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
You can name 6 Star Trek episodes
The only jokes you receive are through e-mail
You want RAM memory for Christmas
You introduce your wife as "[email protected]"
Your wrist watch has more computing power than a p-90
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
You use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
You window shop at Radio Shack
Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
You are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
You don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
You have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
You know the direction the water swirls when you flush
You own "Official Star Trek" anything
You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
You know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
You have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
Your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
You need a checklist to turn on the TV
You have introduced your kids by the wrong name
Your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
You see a good design and still have to change it
You can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
You own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
People groan at the party when you pick out the music
You have more toys than your kids
You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
Your checkbook always balances
You've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
You have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
Your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
You know what http:/ stands for
Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
You thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers
You have more friends on the Internet than in real life
You spend more on your home computer than your car
You did the sound system for your senior prom
You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
Your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate |
The Question is out of both of the lists how many have you or do you actial think you have done,
I deasant comment cas it would be better counting the ones I havnt done lol.
(source was http://www.bitoffun.com/jokes.engineer.htm & http://www.bitoffun.com/jokes.computer.htm)
they are good
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Lxe
keep dreaming
Joined: 11 Aug 2002
Posts: 3622
Location: stv
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| Sat May 27, 2006 3:19 am |
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lol
my faves are
| Quote: | | Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed." |
| Quote: | | You can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary |
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