Random Jokes *wink*

Cathexis · Fri Nov 18, 2005 11:36 pm Random Jokes *wink*

OKay, so...post some original or cited jokes from other places...keep it pretty clean, or else I'll sick T on you all *evil laugh*.

I especially like the Dogpile.Com Joke of The Days.

Today's JotD:

Bureaucracy: the process that enables ten people to do the work of one.

Did ya get it?

Tuvok8917 · **Sat Nov 19, 2005 7:22 am**

Q: What county in Ireland hates Kenny?

A: Killkenny County

harrykims#1fan · **Sat Nov 19, 2005 5:26 pm**

i'll keep it clean....i believe this is the cleanest and least offensive i have

Donald Rumsfeld was givin president bush his morning briefing and he said,
"Sir last night 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed"
After hearing this statement Bush Threw his head into his hands and cried
"How many's a Brazillian"

Cathexis · **Sat Nov 19, 2005 11:22 pm**

LightningBoy · **Sat Nov 19, 2005 11:35 pm**

Two Peanuts are Walking down the street, one is assaulted.

Republican_Man · **Sat Nov 19, 2005 11:38 pm**

harrykims#1fan, I took great offense to that joke. But I'll leave it be.

Q: Why did the Rabbit rest in the refrigerator?
A: Because it was a Westing House.

Cathexis · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 1:49 am**

borgslayer · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 2:50 am**

(Next to a vending machine)
" Insert Bill Face Up "
" Guy looks up and places bill in the vending machine "

Tuvok8917 · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 9:55 am**

^I don't get that one..

John Connor · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 10:20 am**

Heres a joke I heard from my friend at work and goes like this.

Thers is this fly above the water and its flying above 8 inceis and below him is a fish. The fish is thinking that if that fly goes down about 6 incies and the fish can eat the fly. But near the shore is a bear and the bear is thinking that if that fly goes down the fish can eat the fly and I can eat the fish. Behind him there is a hunter having his lunch and the hunter thinkings of the same thing so he fish eat the fly the bear eats the fish and i can shoot the bear. Behind him there was a mouse and thinking the same thing if that fly goes down and the fish eat the fly the bear gets the fish the hunter gets the bear and i can get the hunters sandwich. Behind him theres is a cat and the cat is thinking if that fish goes down the fish can get the fly,the bear gets the fish,the hunter gets the bear, the mouse gets sandwich and I get the mouse. So, everything goes right down the line the fly went down the fish got fly,the bear got the fish,the hunter got the bear the mouse got the sandwich but the cat missed the mouse and landed in the water.

Theresa · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 10:35 am**

Republican_Man · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 1:03 pm**

I hated that joke because it's another one of those attacks that Bush is dumb, when in fact he's not. I'll accept a nuclear joke--I make fun of him for that--and for sometimes not saying other words correctly, but his INTELLIGENCE? No way.
But, anyways, I have a funny joke story. Everyone that I tell this to loves it.
(READ SLOWLY down)

Okay, so there's this kid, about, oh, 9 years old or so, and he's been failing math. His parents tried everything--tutoring programs, after school programs, getting help from teachers and friends--but nothing worked. So one day their friend suggested that they send him to a Catholic school. And so they decided to take their friend's advice and do it.
And so the first day the kid gets home from his new school, has a quick snack, and goes straight up to his room and does his homework, studies, etc. He only stops for dinner, and then goes straight back up to his room again afterwards, to do his homework.
He did this for the rest of the quarter. And so finally on the last day of the quarter the boy gets his report card. Immediately after getting home he puts his report card on the kitchen table and goes straight up to do his homework.
Later that day his parents see the report card on the table and open it, fearing to see an "F" in Math. Instead they see an "A" in Math. So, they go up to the boy's room and ask him, "So what was it? Was it the nuns?"
"No."
"Was it the programs?"
"No."
"Was it the strict teaching style?"
"No."
"Well, what was it, then?" the dad pressed.
"Well," the boy replied, "when I first walked into that Catholic school and saw the guy nailed to the giant plus sign on the wall, I knew they meant business."

LOL, I LOVE that one!

LightningBoy · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 2:14 pm**

Three Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleaders are camping in the woods. They're on a hike when the come across some tracks.

Standing over them, examining the tracks the cheerleaders discuss;
"I think they're deer tracks." The first Cheerleader says.
"No deer tracks are split looking, I think these are rabbit tracks" explains the second cheerleader.
Finally, the third cheerleader states: "No, no, no, you're all wrong..."

Just then they got hit by the train.

Republican_Man · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 2:15 pm**

LOL! I hate the Dallas Cowboys, so I love that!

luit14 · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 2:27 pm**

Admiral Dani�l · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 3:09 pm**

Ok, i think i have a original one only you have to think about it.

*A woman is in a automated wheel chair as the batterie runs out. A man with a large mercedes rides by her and stoppes. *
He says: ''Hello, do you need any help?
Lady:''My batterie has run out of power''
Man:''Shall i pull you with my car to a repair center?''
Lady:''No no, I don't like it when you go so fast!''
Man:''That's no problem. Ill tie a rope between your weel chair and my car and then ill drive and slowly faster, if you think it's going to fast, you just tooter''
Lady:''That's okay... I think''
*The man does what he said and slowly drives... 10km.... 20km... 30km... 40km. The woman quickly tooters and the man slows down to 30km*
*A other man in a same sort of Mercedes drives next to the man*
2d Man:My Mercedes is twice as fast as you!
Man:I'm not racing, i need to...
2d Man:Coward. Bok bok whahahaha
*The 2d man drives away hard and the man whas so angry he raced with him in 110km*
*The Lady tooters, tooters and tooters heavily, but the man is distracted*
*A little farther of there there is a cafe, and a drunk man walks out*
*He sees the whole parade happen and quickly runs back to the cafe*
Drunk Man:Guys! You'll never believe what i just saw! I saw 2 Mercedes race really hard and a old Lady in a automated wheel chair tootered she wanted past them!

IntrepidIsMe · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 4:39 pm**

harrykims#1fan · **Sun Nov 20, 2005 6:43 pm**

Cathexis · **Mon Nov 21, 2005 12:38 am**

I really enjoyed all of those!

Especially yours, RM!

Cathexis · **Tue Nov 29, 2005 9:46 pm**

Okies, more jokes ppl....keep 'em coming!

LightningBoy · **Tue Nov 29, 2005 10:57 pm**

John Kerry walks into a bar, bartender says "Why the long face"!

Ha!

Cathexis · **Tue Nov 29, 2005 11:00 pm**

Valathous · **Tue Nov 29, 2005 11:02 pm**

Cathexis · **Tue Nov 29, 2005 11:05 pm**

LOL Val, RM's not gonna like that one..lol..

Founder · **Tue Nov 29, 2005 11:44 pm**