Sam's Shakespearian Sonnets (that's alliteration!)

[Sam Kenobi]

Let's review the Shakespearian Sonnet... 14 lines, iambic pentameter, rhyme scheme ABAB CDCD EFEF GG with the final couplet summarizing the preceding 3 stanzas. My favorite to write, personally. This one is my most recent.

***
Revelation

�Til then, through time, a lovelorn thought he�ll keep,
As midnight passes, so do health and thought-
Wand�ring dreams, fitful rest and counting sheep-
Fidelity and truth his mind �comes fraught.

No more the banquet table rest he now,
And food for notion gone like better days.
The cup is dry and still he�ll disavow
To �lieve it full with love�s first cleansing haze.

Alas he�ll come upon that final hour,
�Fore sunlight cast its candid rays to him,
Love could never bloom its final flower,
Forever will he sink- he cannot swim.

For now, night�s shadow cast its death upon
What once was free and rife, save now, is gone.
***

feedback and analysis?

[madlilnerd]

... *speechless*

That's a really, really good talent you've got there... although my all time favourite sonnet line ever is:
For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright
You who are as black as hell, as dark as night.

[Seven of Nine]

That is excellent! Sonnets are difficult to write, and this one fits perfectly. You've got a talent there, Sam

[Sam Kenobi]

To Icarus (and sons) from Daedalus (and fathers)

You used to own the world, remember son?
Below, it �volved around your sweet young light.
With wooden swords your destiny you�d won-
Conq�ring all the brave and every bright.

The world surrounding fit inside your pack-
No thought of future but the afternoon
In which you�d march your army, then a snack,
Then voyage through the sky to see the moon.

Too soon that day the sun began to set
The world grew large and fell to other hands.
Youth had gone and left you in its debt.
Its wonder washed away like greedy sands.

You used to own the world, my son, but threw
It to the sun- and now the world owns you.

[Voy_Girl]

Ooh, sonnets! Keep them coming.

[Sam Kenobi]

I turned the first one into a Spenserian stanza.... ABABBCBCC.... iambic pentameter until the last line of iambic hexameter. I think I almost like it better this way, except the fifth line is kind of awkward.



Til then, through time, a lovelorn thought she'll keep.
As midnight passes, so do health and thought-
Wand'ring dreams, fitful rest, and counting sheep,
Fidelity and truth her mind 'comes fraught.
No more to banquet tables will she trot
'Cause food for notion's gone like better days.
The cup is dry - she tries, but she cannot
Believe it's full with love's first cleansing haze.
She attempts to hide lost love, but her kiss betrays.



Um... changed the "he"s to "she"s because I thought it had more effect.... That fifth line though... I had trouble working that in. But I really like the final line now because I think it gets across the point of this poem I had from the beginning.... that whole trying to believe you're still in love even though you know you aren't. I also miss using "disavow" because that's a cool word...

[ILoveHarry]

That's my Sammer everyone! Chuck full o' talent!!!

[Sam Kenobi]

Uh.... I'm going to be a whiney poet and whine about how mine didn't get any recognition in class. The ones that did were very good... but apparently mine wasn't good enough (whine) You guys don't even nunderstand the artistic pressure I'm up against here (whine). (whine).

[ILoveHarry]

You should start crying in class.