The Call (Stargate SG1)

[Mac Harm]

--For T--

It was cold, yeah and rainy, so typical - things like this never happened when it was bright and sunny, right? Truly didn't matter what the weather was; where he was � there was simply no place in the universe left to be. He kept walking, trying not to think of anything, allowing the numbing cold to seep into him, into his body, his mind, and his soul. � Didn't work�thoughts returned, demanding his attention, his reaction�he had none left to give. He found himself at the playground, deserted now, swings tossed by the wind, rain puddling around the play structures. Voices came to him unbeckoned:

"What's his problem? Why doesn't he ever play? I think he's sad."

"No, he just thinks he's better than the rest of us."

"Hey! DJ! Wanna play some football?"

"Give it a rest, he won't answer you."

"Where's he goin?"

"Who knows? No one knows where he goes or what he does. C'mon, no one cares�"

People did seem to care now, it was different than back then, and still who really knew him? Who cares? He sat down on a rain soaked bench, not feeling the dampness, embracing the coldness. Now that he wasn't walking, sitting in the silence there, he could no longer turn off the thoughts�they came flooding through him.

The call had come. He knew one day it would, just a certainly as he prayed it wouldn't. Funny, he couldn't remember what it was he was doing. Some mindless little chore at home, something that was important at the time�time�how little of it there had been, together� He wiped his cheek, must be raindrops. He stood up and began walking again; he wouldn't let the thoughts come back. Voices again:

"Dr. Jackson? Daniel, this is General Hammond. I need you to report to my office right away, it's urgent. Daniel? Do you hear me?�No, it can't wait until this afternoon�I can't give you any more details over the phone, but it is absolutely necessary that you report in immediately!�"

Damned voices. He now found himself outside the donut shop. Was that really his reflection in the glass? As passersby stopped to stare at his unkempt and thoroughly soaked appearance, he thought 'If they only knew that I look much better than I feel! Who cares�' Coffee sounded good right about now, and he went inside. The smells were welcoming, and the chatter of people comforting somehow. He ordered a cup and sat alone, more alone than he had ever been.

There had been something in the General's tone of voice that made him decide he'd better not dawdle this time, so he threw on a coat and hurried to SGC. His few attempts at greeting the guards and other SGC personnel were met with downcast eyes and grumbled words of acknowledgment. 'What did I do now? I'll find out soon enough�oh ya, I found out all too soon'. Tears flowed now, and he let them. He simply put his head down on the table in that crowded coffee shop and let the tears come.

"This has never been an easy thing for me to do�I've had to do it far too often in my career. As the Officer in command, I must inform you�"His voice hesitated, but only for a brief moment�"I must inform you that�Bra'tac has sent something through the Stargate�Dr. Jackson�Daniel�it's about your wife�"

Maybe the General said something else, but he couldn't recall it. Didn't matter anyway. Several people had stopped to stare now, and he realized he probably should go�go where? He left the coffee shop. The rain had increased and the wind made walking in a straight line practically impossible. Flakes of snow were mixing in with the rain. Where was his coat? Why didn't he even feel the cold? He couldn't feel anything�He vaguely remembered running to the embarkation room and seeing her lying there�she wasn't there�her body was lying there�still looking so beautiful. The rest of the team stood around, needing to be there, not knowing what to say�

"We're sorry, Daniel�the signal came�her body and a brief message from Bra'tac�doesn't give many details. If there's anything we can�"

Their voices faded away from his memory. There was nothing they could say, nothing they could do. He simply needed to hold her. Why did she look so lovely?�He sat on the freezing park bench, hugging his knees. He didn't want to think about all this�He knelt by her side and tenderly lifted her into his arms, rocking her gently back and forth�

"It's OK now, you can rest�you're with me now�shhh�it's OK�everything's all right now�"

Silence fell over the Gate room, the control room, over the entire base it seemed. All the past and ongoing adventures were unimportant now, in the face of this one man's misery. How they all wished things had happened differently, yet this had always been the most likely of outcomes.

Jack watched as his friend slowly let go of all his hopes and dreams for the future. How could he tell him it had already been decided that a return trip to Abydos would not be authorized�too dangerous. Daniel would not be able to share his grief with Kasuf�the baby. Jack had to walk away.

Sam had stared incredulously as the orders swiftly came for immediate autopsy and burial in an unmarked government grave. The General understood the need for secrecy, and wouldn't fight this order, but would Daniel understand? She wanted to reach out for him, but the distance separating them was far too great.

Teal'c alone stepped forward and walked to Daniel's side. He knelt down and silently placed a hand on Daniel's back. He kept his hand on his friend's shoulder as the soldiers came to take the body away. His friend turned to him, his eyes lacking any spirit, yet Teal'c knew his presence there�his touch�had been felt and appreciated.

It was snowing now, turning into a blizzard. He could hardly move. Somehow he summoned the energy to begin walking again, and found his way to her apartment. He barely had enough strength to ring the doorbell�Who cares?

The door opened as Katherine looked out at a frozen shell of a man, clinging to her porch railing. "Daniel?" she asked.

His answer told her everything, "She's gone�" He allowed himself to be pulled inside and surrendered to Katherine. She gently wrapped him in a blanket and holding on tightly she whispered "Shhh�it's OK now, you're with me�everything's going to be all right�"