Rules of Acquisition

[Omet'Ikilan]

I figured some people might want the Rules of Acquisition

Rule 001 � Once you have their money, you never give it back.

Rule 002 � The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
Rule 003 � Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
Rule 004 � A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
Rule 006 � Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
Rule 007 � Keep your ears open.
Rule 008 � Small print leads to large risk.
Rule 009 � Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
Rule 010 � Greed is eternal.
Rule 011 � Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
Rule 012 � Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
Rule 013 � Anything worth doing is worth doing twice.
Rule 014 � Keep your family close, keep your Latinum closer.
Rule 016 � A deal is a deal. (until a better one comes along).
Rule 017 � A contract is a contract is a contract - but only between Ferengi.
Rule 018 � A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
Rule 019 � Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
Rule 020 � Only give money to people you know you can steal from.
Rule 021 � Never place friendship before profit.
Rule 022 � A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
Rule 024 � Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
Rule 025 � There's always a way out.
Rule 026 � As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
Rule 027 � There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
Rule 028 � Whisper your way to success.
Rule 029 � What's in it for me?
Rule 031 � Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother. (insult something he cares about, instead).
Rule 033 � It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
Rule 034 � War is good for business.
Rule 035 � Peace is good for business.
Rule 037 � If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
Rule 039 � Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
Rule 040 � She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
Rule 041 � Profit is its own reward.
Rule 042 � What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.
Rule 044 � Never confuse wisdom with luck.
Rule 045 � Ambition knows no family.
Rule 046 � Make your shop easy to find.
Rule 047 � Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
Rule 048 � The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
Rule 049 � Everything is worth something to somebody.
Rule 050 � Gratitude can bring on generosity.
Rule 051 � Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
Rule 052 � Never ask when you can take.
Rule 057 � Good customers are as rare as Latinum, Treasure them.
Rule 058 � There is no substitute for success.
Rule 059 � Free advice is seldom cheap.
Rule 060 � Keep your lies consistent.
Rule 062 � The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
Rule 065 � Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
Rule 068 � Ear stroking will get you anything.
Rule 069 � Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
Rule 072 � Never trust your customers.
Rule 073 � If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
Rule 075 � Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.
Rule 076 � Every once in a while, declare peace. "It confuses the hell out of your enemies".
Rule 077 � It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
Rule 078 � When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.
Rule 079 � Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
Rule 082 � The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
Rule 084 � A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
Rule 085 � Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
Rule 087 � A friend in need means three times the profit.
Rule 089 � Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.
Rule 092 � There are many paths to profit.
Rule 093 � Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
Rule 094 � Females and finances don't mix.
Rule 095 � Expand or die.
Rule 096 � For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule, (except when there's not).
Rule 097 � Enough... is never enough.
Rule 098 � Every man has his price.
Rule 099 � Trust is the biggest liability of all.
Rule 100 � If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.
Rule 101 � The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
Rule 102 � Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.
Rule 103 � Sleep can interfere with...
Rule 104 � Faith moves mountains... (of inventory).
Rule 105 � Don't trust anyone who trusts you.
Rule 106 � There is no honor in poverty.
Rule 107 � A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
Rule 109 � Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
Rule 111 � Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them [ruthlessly].
Rule 112 � Never have sex with the boss' sister.
Rule 113 � Always have sex with the boss.
Rule 115 � The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
Rule 116 � There's always a catch.
Rule 117 � Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 119 � Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, (...sometimes, good things come in small packages).
Rule 121 � Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 123 � Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
Rule 125 � You can't make a deal if you're dead.
Rule 126 � Count it.
Rule 127 � Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
Rule 135 � Never trust a beneficiary.
Rule 139 � Wives serve, brothers inherit.
Rule 141 � Only fools pay retail.
Rule 142 � There's no such thing as an unfair advantage.
Rule 143 � Risk is part of the game... play it for all it's worth.
Rule 144 � There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket.
Rule 146 � Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Profit is the father.
Rule 152 � A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.
Rule 153 � Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
Rule 162 � Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
Rule 169 � Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
Rule 171 � Blood is thicker than water, and Latinum is thicker than both.
Rule 172 � Chances aren't what they used to be.
Rule 177 � Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
Rule 181 � Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
Rule 188 � A fool and his money is the best customer.
Rule 189 � Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.

Rule 190 � Hear all, trust nothing.

Rule 191 � A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.

Rule 192 � Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.

Rule 194 � It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.

Rule 200 � If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.

Rule 202 � The justification of profit is profit.

Rule 203 � New customers are like razor-backed Gree worms... They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!

Rule 204 � It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.

Rule 208 � Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.

Rule 211 � Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success... don't hesitate to step on them.

Rule 214 � Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.

Rule 216 � Never gamble with an empath.

Rule 217 � You can't free a fish from water.

Rule 218 � Always know what you're buying

Rule 219 � Possession is 11/10 of the law.

Rule 223 � Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.

Rule 229 � Latinum lasts longer than lust.

Rule 231 � There's a sucker born every minute; be sure you're the first to find each one.

Rule 236 � You can't buy fate.

Rule 239 � Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

Rule 241 � Never trust a hardworking employee.

Rule 242 � More is good... all is better.

Rule 253 � Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.

Rule 255 � A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.

Rule 256 � Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.

Rule 260 � Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit?

Rule 261 � A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.

Rule 262 � A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Rule 263 � Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.

Rule 265 � The customer is always right, (...until you get their cash).

Rule 266 � When in doubt, lie.

Rule 267 � If you believe it, they believe it.

Rule 270 � In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.

Rule 277 � Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.

Rule 284 � Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.

Rule 285 � No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Rule 286 � When Morn leaves, it's all over. (Quark made this rule up)

Rule 299 � Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time. (Neelix made this rule up)




The Unwritten Rule
�
When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up!

[Toad]

W W

[Ronevick]

Holy hell! Did you piece that together yourself?

[WeAz]

whered you get that???

[Robsladey]

lol 299 what a number.

Like anyone could remember all of those.

[Defiant]

VERY cool man. All you gotta do is find the site! They have a book of them, so its a simple matter of getting them from the book.

[1/1]

LOL. Some of those are hilarious.

[gul Lemek III.]

Yeah, and I think that the writers did an outstanding work with making them all up

[Solitary Poet]

I�ve been doing some research on the subject and your rules don�t match the ones that I found by actually watching Deep Space Nine. Can we have some episode titles to go with some of those rules?

No wait, I was wrong but episode titles would still be nice.

The following is the Ferengi Capitalist Rules of Acquisition:

# #1: Once you have their money, you never give it back. "The Nagus"
# #3: Never spend more for an Acquisition than you have to. "The Maquis, Part II"
# #6: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. "The Nagus"
# #7: Keep your ears open. "In the Hands of the Prophets"
# #8: Small print leads to large risk.
# #9: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. "The Storyteller"
# #10: Greed is eternal. "Prophet Motive"
# #13: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
# #16: A deal is a deal ...until a better one comes along. "Melora"
# #18: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. "Heart of Stone" & "Ferengi Love Songs"
# #19: Satisfaction is not guaranteed. "Meridian"
# #21: Never place friendship before profit. "Rules of Acquisition"
# #22: A wise man can hear profit in the wind. "Rules of Acquisition"
# #27: There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
# #31: Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ...insult something he cares about, instead. "The Siege"
# #33: It never hurts to suck up to the boss. "Rules of Acquisition"
# #34: War is good for business. "Destiny" and "The Siege of AR-558"
# #35: Peace is good for business. "Destiny"
# #40: She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
# #41: Profit is its own reward.
# #44: Never confuse wisdom with luck.
# #47: Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own. "Rivals"
# #48: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. "Rules of Acquisition"
# #52: Never ask when you can take.
# #57: Good customers are as rare as Latinum. Treasure them. "Armageddon Game"
# #58: There is no substitute for success.
# #59: Free advice is seldom cheap. "Rules of Acquisition"
# #60: Keep your lies consistent.
# #62: The riskier the road, the greater the profit. "Rules of Acquisition" & "Little Green Men"
# #65: Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
# #74: Knowledge equals profit. VOY "Inside Man"
# #75: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum. "Civil Defense"
# #76: Every once in a while declare peace--It confuses the hell out of your enemies. "The Homecoming"
# #79: Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
# #82: The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
# #85: Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
# #89: Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits.
# #94: Females and finances don't mix. "Ferengi Love Songs" and "Profits and Lace"
# #95: Expand or die. VOY "False Profits"
# #97: Enough... is never enough.
# #98: Every man has his price."In the Pale Moonlight"
# #99: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
# #102: Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever. "The Jem'Hadar"
# #104: Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
# #106: There is no honor in poverty.
# #109: Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. "Rivals"
# #111: Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them. "Past Tense, Part I" and "The Darkness and the Light"
# #112: Never have sex with the boss's sister. "Playing God"
# #113: Always have sex with the boss.
# #121: Everything is for sale, even friendship.
# #123: Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
# #125: You can't make a deal if you're dead."The Siege of AR-558"
# #139: Wives serve. Brothers inherit. "Necessary Evil"
# #141: Only fools pay retail.
# #144: There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
# #162: Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
# #168: Whisper your way to success. "Treachery, Faith, and the Great River"
# #177: Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
# #181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
# #189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
# #190: Hear all, trust nothing. "Call to Arms"
# #192: Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
# #194: It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. "Whispers"
# #202: The justification of profit is profit.
# #203: New customers are like razor-toothed Greeworms--They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back! "Little Green Men"
# #208: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer. "Ferengi Love Songs"
# #211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success--don't hesitate to step on them. "Bar Association"
# #214: Never begin a business negotiations on an empty stomach. "The Maquis, Part I"
# #217: You can't free a fish from water. "Past Tense, Part I"
# #218: Always know what you're buying.
# #223: Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
# #229: Latinum lasts longer than lust. "Ferengi Love Songs"
# #236: You can't buy fate.
# #242: More is good... all is better.
# #255: A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant a necessity.
# #261: A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
# #263: Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum. "Bar Association"
# #266: When in doubt, lie.
# #284: Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
# #285: No good deed ever goes unpunished."The Sound of Her Voice"

[Ziyal]

I thought that one episode on voyager was funny....about the false profits they replicated the rules of acquisition for the poor natives

[Jadzia Lenara Dax]

[moved to DS9, pertains to the Ferengis, who are mainly in DS9. jad.]

[Solitary Poet]

They were in TNG first!

[Ronevick]

Yes, but we see a lot more of them in DS9.

[starnova]

because a ferenge runs the bar

[Sonic74205]

I have the rules of aquisition in my room that i got from the startrek section of the Hilton Hotel in Vegas. It's Majorly Kool

[gul Lemek III.]

Really? Man, I gotta have one of these. It's a shame, I know, but i don't have a single Star Trek relic

[pidgeonqueen]

Thats a lot of rules . . . . *shakes head* some people have way too much time on their hands . . . thanks for posting it though its cool . . .

[Omet'Ikilan]

WOW....I posted this almost a year ago and its come back...huh

[Solitary Poet]

[3 of 7]

Wow, that's alot of rules! And some of them are hilarious!

[starnova]

you must do alot of detective work

[Founder]

[starnova]

ya
i am guessing something about a bet or gamble